View Full Version : They are Watching....
cougar9q
02-23-04, 11:52 PM
Hello everyone,
This is Monica I am just rambling, but about what you say?......................us..Us....US....
I am talking about our little community...
There are so many intersexuals that are out there that have found this site. I know that we have a lot of regular "guests" that are either too shy, not comfortable, not ready, or whatever may be the reason have not "joined" yet. I am not trying to pressure people to join......but I am very interested to hear their voices, their ideas, and I want to hear about their pain and sorry. I, (we) can not hear you if you do not talk, and you can not talk if you are not a member.
I encourage all of you regular "guests" to officially join our family by becoming a member. I want you to be a new family member.
And when you join....... I am not asking for ground breaking stories, I am just asking for you.......A hello, a story of pain, a story of your life, a status of your feelings.....whatever is most important to you, I would hope that you would like to share that with us......
With all of that said I will keep a lookout for you.....
Much Love,
Monica
[isisluxora@<hidden>]
hi monica,,
It's funny you posted this , because I was just wondering myself, how come there are so many members that have never posted at all ,,,,118 out of 268 with 0 posts ,,, and 37 more with only 1 post.
Thats means over half the members have never posted more than one time.
Are they all students studying us?
Are they people with intersex conditions that are afraid to be known ? and are secretly dealing with the condition on their own?
Just curious....
Monica,,I've read some of you early posts.......did you ever find a circle of intersexed friends to hang out with in your area?And where were you when I was 15-16 living in dallas ,,,lol ,,, oh ,, given my age I guess you were in preschool ,,,lol.
I would love to have a circle of intersexed friends that you could actually interact with on a regular bases.
A hello, a story of pain, a story of your life, a status of your feelings.....whatever is most important to you, I would hope that you would like to share that with us......
Hi all, I have posted and will keep posting on this site.
I am IS and I am a yougster but I am learning how to cope being IS.
With others I know the help in that this community I will be able to cope with life that much better.
I am not smart and I do not know all the answers just what I have experienced.
Life sucks if you let it but once you overcome the obsticles life can be bearable.
Muhoe
Az1
cougar9q
02-27-04, 01:33 PM
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------hey Lost!
In reponse to your post, I haven't found any people in my area. Houston has over 4 million people, and I have not found a one intersexed individual......They should be out there.......
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To me personally it is frustrating not having a local intersex link, it's not eating me alive, but it almost is........
The reality is....that I am afraid to interact with people, any kind of people. I get so paranoid, and am fillled up overwhelming feelinghs of hate, anger, fear, inadequacy, saddness at the same time when I interact with people.
I don't know what the root of this is...it could be anything. I get so so so angery at the world for classifying me as a straight, gay, bisexual, woman, man-like!!! I hate those words.....I used to agree with the agenda of gays but I don't now. I feel like I have been stabbed in the back by both "gays" and "straights" in the world is too narrowed minded and stubborn for me........I hate it.
Why can't the world accept me for who I am? I am not asking for a lot. I hate being a woman, I hate being told that I "act" like a "man" I don't want to be a man or a woman. I just want to be accepted as an intersexed human being. I don't want to take some pills to make me a woman. I don't want to have to do that to be in their club! I am more than that. I am none and both of the sexes at the same time, and am mad at the world for not acknowleding my existance or shunning me for that!!!!
I am not a freak, and I will not be silenced.
I will not conform.
I will not go away.
I may runaway, but I will always be back for another battle.
In the end I am going to win this war...
I want to break this sexual binary system, and make the world a broader place to live in. .....
We are stuck in the Age of Ignorance.....
No one cares about who I am, yet they have already developed opinions about me, without even communicating with me.
I am not a woman, I am not a lesbian, am I not those words you want me to be...
It's like the more I speak the better I feel.....
Thanx for listening everyone,
Monica [cougar9q]
Dana Gold
02-27-04, 02:14 PM
quote:
It's like the more I speak the better I feel.....
Keep talking. I came aboard BLO and I had so much pent-up things within me at the time...I have been a virtual "motor-mouth", but it has helped so much. It is good to release all the things that have been within you for so long; a purging of your system of others' negative energies, thoughts, words and actions.
I liken the process to the analogy of a garden hose in the yard; one that was initially new and clear of the dirt and muck, but that has collected such from
exposure to the "elements" over the years. To cleanse it, you turn on the water, but what comes out at first is that same junk that was stuck; eventually with continual flushing , clear water will come out. The hose is you and the clear water is the"medicine"of talking, sharing (and mutual support from others) to get rid of the junk: crap from the environment that found it's way into you from the "normal" world.
It is good you want to break up the concoted "binary system" ..., and especially good that you are doing that with yourself first.
Keep "flushing"....use some Tidy-Bowl (toilet cleaner) even:D .....whatever to cleanse your life of the sh*t from the artificial construct's philosophy that has "invaded" and occcupied your psyche and wreaked it's machinations (and/or attempts at) upon your physical self.
I like to mention the movie Network. A favorite line of mine from it goes:
"I'm mad as hell and I won't take it anymore", as well as the line about the value of one's life that I posted in a very recent thread. Anger has both positive and negative attributes, depending upon it's direction and use.
Take care; don't let the "bahstads" get you down.
Dana:)
Hi Dana,
Did I miss something? I just read:
__________________________________________________
PS: after posting this I noticed that the previous reply was directed to Peter, so I edited my post to apologize if I "butted in", just I wanted to share something with you. Anyway, bye.
Dana
__________________________________________________
In looking over Monica's post, I only saw the salutation "Hey Lost", which I believe belongs to Jesse. We all know that Jesse is not really lost, because how could anybody that has a sign on the back of their truck saying www.bodieslikeours.org really be lost.
I am probably more lost than Jesse.
Cheers,
Peter
Dana Gold
02-27-04, 03:19 PM
My mistake:rolleyes: ....I'll re-edit the edit ...I guess I was the "lost one":o
Dana;)
Hey.............................MONICA,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
how the heck are ya ? or as texans would say,,,, how ya'll doin ?
just wanted to say ,, I loved my time in texas ,,, except for the bugs .......eeeeeeeeeeewwwwweeeeeeeeee. lol
That is crazy,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,you can't find intersexed friends there?
OMG. ........... I have no hope what so ever,,then,,,,,,,,,,,, :(
there's more people in the dallas/fortworth area ,,,than all of canada for crying out loud.........grrrrrrrrrrrrrr,,,, I will never find someone here.
wanna move to canada monica ? lol
I agree with you all the way !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am still coming to new understandings every day ,,,, but I do know ,, I don't care about what I'm called ,,,or what happened to me in the past ,,, blah blah blah,,,,,
all I really care about is just being frickin accepted for what I am ,,,,,,,,, like you said ,,,,,",a human being ".
And as human beings,,,,,,,, we should have the right ,, for our healthy genitals (no matter how different they may look) to be left alone ,, until we as human beings,,,, make the decision to change them, or what ever,,,,. Point being ,,no one has the right to tell us what we are or how we should look..
I could be quite happy if I could find some other intersexed people to hang out with........
Come out come out ,,where ever you are.............
DANA---- whats the haps ,,,, my friend,,,,,,,,,
I agree how much ,,just coming to blo and venting or blurting junk out sure helps a person feel better.
Just think how great it would be if you actually had friends that you could talk to like that in real life.
I agree with monica,,,,,,, I am afraid of people . I know how mean,cruel,and dishonest people can be.
Not that I'm afraid to tell someone I'm intersexed ,,,,, I want to let the whole world know about intersex,,,,,,,,but It doesn't mean I'm going to trust any of those people, and let them into my life.
Have a rockin day all !!!!!!!!
ps.- a song I promise will make you feel good:" when the sun goes down ",,, by uncle cracker and kenny chessney,,,,, on cmt. all the time
pss.- no fingers were harmed in the making of this letter. :)
hey.............. I forgot to say :
hiya peter ,,,,,,,,, wassup dawg? lol how old are ya ? do ya know what i just said ,? lol
and peter ,,,you are one of the last ones ,,i would say was lost ..lol
besides,,,,,,,,didn't ya see my post ,,, I changed the meaning of lost.
Lover
Of
Stewed
Tomatoes
hehe ,,maybe you are lost...:)
cougar9q
02-27-04, 11:30 PM
Hey,
Jesse aka Lost,
how many people are in Canada?
~Monica
No matter how many people are in Canada, 90% are massing within 100 miles of the border.
Jesse, are you in Canada?
Betsy
cougar9q
02-27-04, 11:55 PM
Hello all.
I just wanted to clear something up that sounded a little off.
I said earlier " that I don't even agree with the gay agenda."
What I meant was not to say that I don't support gays fighting for their rights.
What I implied was that I don't agree with the way the gay groups here in Houston, and maybe in other places are fighting for their rights.
The organizations here in Houston describe their "sexual orientation" as a handicap for them in this society. They descrbe in much of their literature how they are weak and should be submissive to the standards of the straight society.
It's a little difficult and confusing to explain, because most of their literature is suble and that literature is self degrading.
It's like they are trying to conform to the stereotypes that society has set for them.
To clear things up. Here's an analogy. A dog is beaten with a stick by it's owner everyday, until one day the rope around his neck tears away. And instead of that dog running away for refuge he runs to it's owner and gets beatened up, and then gets a metal chain placed around it's neck.....
I don't mean to compare gays to submissive dogs but that is the best way I can explain their attitudes towards themselves in that literature.
I feel angery and very sadden when I read their literature because it is not true. It is amazing what some "gay writters" will write to get attention and support.
anyway........
don't hesitate to ask me to elaborate on anything.......
Monica [cougar9q]
future (intersexed) President of the United States
Hi Monica,
When I was a teenager, I thought that the symbolist poet Arthur Rimbaud was the greatest. I read everything that I could find by him and about him. I was a Rimbaud maniac. Patti Smith and Marcuse are\where also big Rimbaud fans. I love his spirit of rebellion. More recently, Avital Ronell's "The Telephone Book: Technology, Schizophrenia, Electric Speech" really gets going in the second half. I have been thinking of starting a "Bodies" thread called "recommended reading for intersex rebels".
I don't know the gay scene in Houston, but I can understand not wanting to be constained by other people's view of who you should be, that you mentioned in an earlier post. I believe that everyone has the right to explore their sexuality and find out what is right for them at any time in their life. I struggle with my own limitations, and I don't think that perfect bi-sexuality exists. However, I do remember a conversation with a lesbian couple, where near the conversation's end, one of them turned to me and asked, "What about the idea that everyone is basically bi-sexual?" I didn't have much to say.
Peter
hi monica,,,
Yeah I think I might have been a little off on my figures,,,
but when i was 15 and in texas ,,, I remember looking in a world atlas and thinking that texas had more people than all of canada.
but I lived in dallas/fortworth area,,,,,
i think canada has around 32 million ,,,,,,,but I could be way off ..I'm not sure why I think it is that number..
how many in u.s. ? isn't it like over 300 million?
Hiya betsy ,,,,,,,,,,,,, yes I'm in canada, ,,,,, and it's too bad the blo. office isn't here too.................................then I could build you some shelves,,,,,,,,lol.
Speaking of being canadian ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,someone told me that because I was born this way ,,,,,,,,, an operation to remove my breasts shouldn't cost me anything.Is this true ? anyone know?hmmmm come on u cunucks ,,,speak up....my brothers ....I need some info here....
chow for now............
"Come on Morty ,,,, make up your mind!"
-- bill murry (meatballs)
someone told me that because I was born this way ,,,,,,,,, an operation to remove my breasts shouldn't cost me anything.Is this true ? anyone know?hmmmm come on u cunucks ,,,speak up....my brothers ....I need some info here....
There's never any harm in asking medical providers about it.
What part of Canada are you in? It's a big place afterall...
Betsy
hmmmmmmmmmm , well I don't know betsy,,,,,,,,, lol
I am hoping someone from canada will come forword and give me some doctors names that can help me .
doctors that they know and have used,,,and are safe ones to go to that won't want to cut off my testicle.
I am in ......Vancouver ,,,,British Columbia....Canada........ woooohooooo
Um, Jess, I wish I weren't such a helpful dingaling.
I did some web searches and came up with sources that would help for breast cancer (Men don't find out until it's almost or too late, wouldn't ya know!) and trans (Amboyz was one: you owe me! But I've gotten rather shameless, so what? Scratch that last comment.).
Then I tried "Breast Reduction British Columbia" and came up with a smorgasbord at <http://www.plastic-surgery.tv/Breast_Reduction/British_Columbia_BC/>
You never know until you ask, and maybe your regular doctor is the place to start. Or doesn't he/she know?
tata!
Dawn
Dana Gold
02-28-04, 02:21 PM
quote:
"What about the idea that everyone is basically bi-sexual?"
There was actually a thread (see page bottom) ) that discussed that matter.
As for breast removal: When I first started seeing my new doctors (had to switch medical grps) and before I "came out" with notion of sex change, my PCP offered to write up authorization for breast liposuction and penile enhancement with the possibility of iinsurance coverage IF that "condition" affected me to the point of acute and chronic psychological distress. I.E. They would have been more than happy to help "normalize" me. And (male) hormones would have been covered, also. HOWEVER, as soon as I said NO, I want the "other way", well, that's another story; and I've been "fighting" the med grp and insurance ever since for adequate care. How med insurance is in Canada, I don't know; but remember: the term "medical necessity" is the crux of the matter in their judgments. To be "normal" is both an urgent matter and definitely necessary to them if you present with sexual ambiguity; whether in childhood or as an adult. And the question of cancer could be brought up. BTW, are you doing self-breast exam? If that is a concern to you , mention it and the doctors can order tumor marker blood tests. That's what they did with me; to monitor for (mostly) gonad and breast tumor. My usual tests have been: alpha-feto- protein, HGH (human growth hormone) and beta-HCG ...CEA was only done initially. . Refer to these links for some knowledge:
http://www.breastcancer.org/testing_blood_test.html
http://www.healthatoz.com/healthatoz/Atoz/ency/tumor_markers.html
Their concept of "normal" will of course be different than yours, so you might have to "play the game" by telling them what "they want to hear" to get what you want. Sad, but true.
http://www.bodieslikeours.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=588
hi uriela.
thank-you , you are what I like to call a ,, " Happy Helperton " :)
It seems I find out everything too late in my life ,,,lol. your info will come in handy if I don't find someone to refer me to a doctor they have used.
hi dana ,,,, how's it going today?
Why would they only help you become man and not woman? Is it because your birth certificate says your a male?didn't you have intervention from doctors at a very young age , but you ended up female during puberty?
Will they not give you female parts ,,because they would have to admit they made a mistake assigning you as male? or am I way off base? lol usually the case .
I am not concerned so much with breast cancer ,,,, I want them off , because I'm a guy ,,lol
Its the doctors that are concerned with cancer in my testicle. They won't give a crap what I want ,, only with what they think should be done.
Women don't get their breasts cut off at age 14 because there is a chance they might get breast cancer in the future. Why do doctors want to cut off my testicle then.............. it's crazy talk I say ,,,,lol,,,,,, he does his job , and is a hard worker ,,,,no reason to cut him from the team ,,lol,,, he's already confused as to where his twin is? lol
Dana I appreciate all the info about how to handle the doctors and insurrance. but I just hope my truth is what gets me what I need , for I am through with lieing ,,,, faking ,,,,, or representing myself for anything else than what I am .
If it's a matter of necessity,,,,,,,,,, as far as I'm concerned,,,,,,,,,,, there is not a problem,,,,,,,,,,,,there is no doubt. I can't live as a man with breasts ,,,,I've tried,,,,,,,, and I can't , and I won't do it anymore , bottom line.
So we shall see ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
as much as I hate toooooooo,,,,, I am going to speak to my mother about me being intersexed...........
wish me luck!!!!!!!!
chat at ya'll later ,,,,,,,
p.s.- no insurrance companies were harmed in the making of this letter ,,,
Dana Gold
02-28-04, 04:48 PM
Hi Jesse,
To answer why they won't "give me female parts": Because in addition to my medical diagnosis, I have the other of Gender Identity Disorder: meaning they will "help me" but I have to pay EVERYTHING out-of-pocket, because they have deemed it "not medically necessary"
In their minds and medical standards, being male is what "should be" normal for me, as evidenced by their decision to administer MALE hormones in childhood, I had no say-so whatever, and any complaints were met with brutality from my step-father who constantly was "on my a**" to be a boy. He often ridiculed my "little worm" of a penis and chastised me for being "weird". What is so bizarre about it is: he was part of the medical staff at Fort Carson Army Hosp where they "treated " me!! I was forced to be male. I am that legally and am regarded as such by current medical authorities. recall the recent post where I mentioned "male pseudo-hermaphroditism"....MALE is the keyword by which they judge me. This is my dilemma, as is with other intersex people who have not "fitted in" with what was considered to be the "best for me" And that is why Intersex Awareness is so important: to NOT medically intervene in a child's sex unless it presents a REAL medical emergency, instead of a perceived and "cloaked" one...and in regards to gender: let the child develop his/her own concept, NOT theirs of "normalcy" hurled and heaped upon the child by cruel and abusive psychological coercions. Do "they" realize what this does??. (well, now some do, actually)..and then are perplexed why the child in his/her present and/or future should feel like a freak or an "alien"....after they supposedly "corrected" our "defects".
An added note: intersexed are "fixed" because I believe "they" are afraid of the ambiguity cascading into or influencing the progression of "homosexuality"....We have had "our beds made for us" as well as told how to continue to "make them".....anyway, enough of that rant......and worsely, as in my case, Believing their sh*t to be truisms: " I AM abnormal, and to be accepted ( AND avoid further abuse!) I had better do and believe what I've been told!!....the Schweins:confused: :rolleyes: :mad: :eek:
Lastly, if you tell your doctors what you just related to me ( "I can't live this way!) I am willing to bet you that they will listen and act upon it.
As for testicular cancer: they should not be cut off if there is no laboratory (positive tumor marker results) or physical (scrotal masses, lumps etc) indications to do so.
Like you said and as I agree is the case with these *&%#* s:
They won't give a crap what I want ,, only with what they think should be done.:mad:
"To change and to change for the better are two different things."
-German proverb
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