self vs. other

[cougar9q]

Hey people this is Monica.....

I have noticed a trend here at Bodies.

It's like people dive into this forum, and then just either just all of a sudden becomes silent.

What possess a person to do so?

Is it their own form of defense from somewhat of an attack or does it reflect something else?

I can not speak for those that choice not to speak, but I can speak for myself.

I have on a couple of occasions have thought of "leaving."

I have decided not to. To me it's too easy. I think one of those reasons for me to "leave" were either self hatred pertaining to me intersexuality and just plain the ultimate goal of attention.

People love attention. I love attention. I love it when a lot of people reply to my posts.

I have decided to NEVER leave because; it takes a lot of work for something so important and is very special to me. In other words, it’s worth it, you just have to put a lot of work into it just as anything else that is worth it. “We’re making diamonds here people.”

Within the confines of this forum I am free to say what ever I want, and am going to be who I want to be.

This forum is a little different from the "real world," yet hints of it still remain.

People may not agree with a certain belief that I don't share with them, but that is OK.

It's ok to be different, that’s the purpose of this forum. It is import to remember that there will always be an antagonist out there in whatever you do.....

Whenever you are hit with an obstacle it is there to “make you strong. Just think of it as a workout in which you put stress on your muscles to make them stronger…..

Overall communication is the key to our survival……

Sincerely,

Monica
[cougar9q]

[Sofie]

I'm staying

[Betsy]

me too...you are stuck with me :D

betsy

[Wyn]

People will come and go throughout our lives. Why should the internet be any different than real life...after all, we are all the same in the final analysis, whether online or not. Either one finds what one wants here, or they don't.
This is not a reflection of the remaining posters or their posts, just the feelings and reactions of the reader who may chose to leave.

Yes, I'd like to see more consistant postings, but I know that I can't always get to the computer, nor can I always find the words to say, or perhaps I just don't have any comment worth posting, although I don't doubt that ALL post have some value.

I do know that having just become part of the community it is plainly obvious that there are those who contribute more than others. That's OK. That's people. Just a part of our diversity.

And THANK GOODNESS for DIVERSITY AND DIFFERENCES!

just my thoughts.

[cougar9q]

I forgot about real life.

Monica

[Jules]

I'm a team player who gets great gratification from this site, I love to help people, so I stay.

[Peter]

I like to look at the positive side. This forum is really unique in the on-going support that it gives people. There is a fairly high turnover, but that is ok. It takes much time and energy to stay current with a very active forum such as this one. Yes, topics tend to repeat themselves. I am sure that Betsy found it amusing when I recently referenced a link that had been the topic of a whole thread a couple of years ago.

The only other intersex forum that I found on-line was a "yahoo" based intersex discussion group. I get only one post from it delivered to my email every few weeks. So, with at least four or five posts a day, this forum is a hundred times more active than the yahoo forum. In fact, this forum is so active, that I have a hard time keeping up with all of the posts.

People come and go as their needs change. That's the nature of the world. It is great that intersex people (and non-intersex allies) can come on-line here, share their stories and read the stories of others. For most people, that is enough. Sometimes people want to continue an association with the forum.

Personal demons and the need for attention can get in my way. That is when I reach for my guitar and play music until the demons calm down. My guitar helps me put things in perspective.

Monica, I am glad you want to stay with this forum. It's great that you show such an interest in intersex issues. I am hopeful that you can find a scholarship to a college where you can intellectually grow and explore issues close to your heart. There are many good colleges in addition to Harvard out there. I think that there should be a scholarship available somewhere for an intersex intellectual. Maybe an advanced women's college, like Mills College in Oakland CA, could provide you an academic scholarship.

I have more ideas on the development of intersex community, but I will save them for another time.

Peter

[Glenn]

Monica said
Overall communication is the key to our survival……

And that's so true! It seems that isolation is the greatest threat for many, since it means we would be left alone without validation, compassion, or companionship.

I have to post from work, since my wife has gotten very hostile to anything connected to IS. She can't distinguish between IS and TS, and seems to fear my being corrupted by thoughts of a world that isn't as black-and-white as she'd like it to be. :(

Glenn

[Jules]

You already bring a lot to this site.

I'm sure you will make BLO a better place.

[Dana Gold]

Hi Glenn,

A personal thank you from me for your continuing support despite the opposition at home. And, I commend you for standing-up for your values in the face of criticism.

Dana

[Glenn]

:D :p :cool:

[Wyn]

Glenn,

I had just finished putting together a post that addressed your concerns about your wife's opposition, hit submit, and BANG - GONE!

Basicly, I had/have the same problem with my step-mother, step-sister, and my ex's parents (we still have a good relationship - they're mad that she divorced me!) I also suspect that my ex is also of the same opinion. Oh well.

It took a LONG converstation to get my step-mother to understand the differences between IS and TS. And she had been very supportive even when she thought I was TS.

I had to send some corrospondance to the others in which I exhaustively detailed the differences between IS and TS / TV. I don't know if it will work, but I can only hope.

My suggestion to you is to print out some of appropriate corrospondance that we have here on site. Perhaps that may change your wife's perspective. Perhaps not. You are the best judge of that.

Just a thought - BEST OF LUCK!

Wyn

[cougar9q]

In January of 2003 I was sure that I was TS......after I went to isna.org and finally Bodies, I discovered that I was Intersexed.

There is a lot of misinformation and misinterpretation out there, but I am glad that we have our little site!


So let's keep the communication going!

Monica

[Az1]

in my opinion being IS is not being TS.
the reason why " I am ",
I am not transitioning.


Muhoe

Az1

[Glenn]

The trouble is that my wife has a very strong identification with gender roles, so anything outside that black/white world is very threatening to her. She is well informed about TS (several of her friends are), but refuses to hear anything about IS.

I think part of the unspoken problem is her fear that one day I'll "wake up and realize" I'm either gay or female - and leave her. Neither is likely, but fear rarely listens to logic.

Ironically, it was her pushing me to a doctor to figure out "what's wrong with me" that led me to BLO... :p

Glenn

[Dana Gold]

It sounds as if she loves you, Glenn. Elsewise she would not be so worried about you leaving her world. Is there is the possibility that you could reassure her that you are a supporter of IS causes and not anything else.

"fear rarely listens to logic."

It seems that both of you are fearful; she of you and you of her.
Whatever the case may be, I feel you two should have a heart-to-heart talk.

And please forgive me if I have made some erroneous assumptions, I just wanted to extend:

Best of wishes to both of you.

Dana:)

[Peter]

Hi Glenn,

You say that your wife is very strongly identified with traditional gender roles and threatened by gender bending. But as a casual observer, that picture does not make too much sense to me. You say that she has several TS friends and she is married to you, an IS man. That seems pretty non-traditional to me.

I would be interesting in hearing more about what is going on inside of you. In reading some of your posts, I have gotten a strong sense that something in the gender-bender area is happening. It is not what you have written directly, but it seems to be there between the lines, so to speak.

Forgetting about the labels IS and TS, I am interested in your story.

Peter

[Wyn]

Glenn,

Dana makes a VERY good point - she wouldn't have had such a concern if there was no true love between the two of you.

Having been in a similar situation, I know that it's sometimes hard to see that the other's true concern is about the loss of the love and the relationship. And as we all know, true and honest relationships are very hard to come by, and are to be treasured.

My first question is wether or not she had the opportunity to read the TIME article. The fact that a national publication came out with such an extensive piece has got to resonate with her in some fashion.

But, most importantly, you need to allay her fears of loss - show her in an unconditional way that she means everything to you, and that you are just seeking to understand your own body for your own peace of mind, and to help solidify your relationship - ask the question - how can you feel fully connected with her, if you have doubts about yourself? Perhaps you need to answer that question also.

I wish you all the best.