InvertdSanDiego
05-14-04, 07:54 AM
i am a new member to this incredible forum, and i have looked thru alot of the messages before posting my own, in order to see where everyone is coming from, looking for similiarties in condition. this is my first time posting, and i want to let everyone know the entire story as far as i can remember, so that you can use the whole picture to try and help me. i dont know quite where to begin, as i am not quite sure where it did actually begin....i am a 22 year old strait white male, 6-3 and one hundred forty pounds and i physically appear entirely masculine on the apparent outside. i was a normal weight baby, born with a full set of male genitalia, but with a diminutive penis at about half and inch, with normal sized descended testicles. i have been told that my circumsizion at birth was successfully done, leaving nothing visibly scarred or marred, and yet there is something that was not done right-- here is my condition that i have lived with from birth, and unable to figure out any sense of whatsoever since it became lucid during puberty. i have never told anyone of my condition, although i'm sure my parents and my pediatrician knew something and didn't mention anything. anyways, here goes, and im a little insecure, so bear with me....instead of leaving too little foreskin around the shaft and penile base as is more common, i was left with an excess of loose skin around the entire penis, while leaving the glands entirely open to air.. i grew a foot in height from age 13 to 14, and by 15 i was six foot, but with no change whatsoever in the penile growth, but only scrotal growth, and i knew something was not normal. my penis never grew any longer after birth, leaving me with a seeming micropenis about an inch long, with the head taking a third of that length, and the shaft the other two thirds. however, this would not be as bad a cosmetical problem had my foreskin been correctly removed i beleive; as a result, the head of my penis sinks down into the top third excess, seemingly defeating the purpose of circumcizion, and the rest of the shaft recedes into an empty flesh pocket above the otherwise tight sac, and in a way, like a turtle it descends in the center above my testicles my testes are fully grown and descended, and each alone are bigger than my penis; oddly, my scrotal sac has much thicker and less pliable skin than should be expected, nor does one testicle rest lower than the other; but they each hang the same length as the other, and the entire sac is very symmetrical and round, about the size of a cue ball. it seems as if there is not only extra skin around the shaft, but a seeming lack of tissue in the middle of the pubic mound where it descends, with a large mons pubis 360 degrees around it, as if it was waiting to do invert all along, possibly meaning the circumcizion was not to blame. in any event, at first glance, my package seems to appear to have little more than an oddly spherical scrotal sack, and a hole the size of a dime above it, in which it would appear that there is an enlarged clit inside, and possibly large fused labia below, instead of a hidden penis with testes. i dont know whether i have a hidden penis, mircopenis, or webbed penis, or any variation thereof, as i have never found any info regarding an adult male with such a condition, especially being as skinny and tall as i am, with no fat to induce such a regression, nor any appearance of breast tissue or any other female signifiers, nor did i ever take medication as a child. however, despite having a very masculine appearance, i often experience and choose to do things femininely gendered for reasons i dont know. i have diagnosed fibromyalgia and depression, OCD, experience anxiety attacks and mood swings, and experience hot flashes and night tremors, as well as other feminine symptoms. i have paruresis (shy bladder) and cannot urinate near anyone's prescence,and although i can urinate standing up, i choose to squat, for i am inevitably forced to use my ring and forefinger in a V-shape, push down on both sides of my mons, so that my penis pops out and i can urinate without spraying inside its cavity or dribble all down my testes and legs=the only times it comes out naturally is when i am erect (less than 4") or when i am in a hot bath or spa and the warm water relaxes my scrotum and loosens up it's hold on my penis. it is very un masculine having to wipe the urine i invaribly dribble out, and yet i enjoy this feeling of feminitiy that i recieve as an unknown result, and further more i often cross my legs in private, out of comfort, for there really isnt anything literally betweeen my legs to get in the way, and it feels much more natural, as does squatting. i have no interest in the male body, nor men in general, and feel very attracted to women solely. i have no desire to change sexes, as i like my outward appearance as male, and do not cross dress at all---i am happy being born male, but i would rather have a single natural vagina on my male body than my ambiguous genitalia, or be born with fully intersexed genitalia that i find to be much more attractive and sexually adept. sometimes it pleasurably feels there that there is nothing down there at all, like the opposite of feeling a vestigial penis that is there no longer. due to my condition, i have had to turn down almost all sexual advances, and being relatively good looking, this is very discomforting up to the point where i have remained a virgin after several cases of misunderstanding and incomprehension, and also because i feel like i will not be able explain it correctly, worsening the pain of being denied, versus being the denier. although i can ejaculate and orgasm normally, my erect penis is less than an inch thick, less than four inches long, and a circumference at about two. it is sensitive around the entiretly of the shaft and glands, with the head extremely pleasuring, with no discoloration in any part of the penis. i do ejaculate prematurally due to over sensitivity, but i have no internal problems i know of, although i have never recieved MRI's to prove i am entirely male. what i really desire to know is if my condition has any other members, or anyone who knows of something similar to my situation. webbed, hidden, inconspicuous, inverted, recessed, diminutive, mirco, etc, i don't know if any of these describe my condition, but would greatly appriciate all the expereinces anyone may have. thank you everso much for this forum. i believe that i can feel better about myself if i just have others that won't laugh at me, but with me.