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blue
05-18-04, 10:54 AM
hello, all. i used to check out this web site a LONG time ago when it was new, before there was even a message board. there was barely anything here back then but i used to look anyway hoping to find something. i'm shocked and blown away by how much things have changed in the two years since i've had this repetitive stress injury/disability and haven't been online. i shouldn't be on now, either, but some things feel worth hurting my arms/back over.

some things about me: i'm 24, living in oakland, california and physically atypical. i'm gratefully, miraculously not an igm survivor. i have survived other forms of violent abuse related to intersex stuff involving my family and medical folks (incest, nonconsensual hormones, lies, etc) and my peers in school from as young as i can remember.

finding these boards has given me a little bit of hope which i didn't think i would ever feel again in respect to ever having any "community" around intersex issues. i have made my best efforts to be involved with things here (and continue to do that) but have been really tremendously hurt and disappointed by the lack of response.

i am very blessed to have one close friend who is also intersex but she lives in new york and we never get to talk enough really.

sometimes i feel so isolated with the way this impacts my life. i have some supportive friends but they don't really "get it" in a certain way--why some things make me so angry or so deeply sad i can't even find words for it. and some of them don't understand why i don't just want to hear every new messed up thing in the news about intersex. it's too much sometimes. i can't really take it in unless i can be doing something to change it. otherwise i get too hopeless.

i have really been discouraged for so long about these things and then my friend in ny sent me this notice about the sf human rights comission having a forum on intersex issues and i decided i need to go there and say something. so all night i have been up writing this statement. it has been very heavy. maybe i can share it with folks here who are interested. but i do warn, it's explicit and depressing.

when i got done writing i felt a need for some kind of connection with someone who'd understand and followed isna's links here. thanks to everyone for being here. i probably can't check in often (i do have a disability and shouldn't use computers at all really) but if peoplle want to email me privately, i do check that at least weekly.

i would really love to meet other folks in the bay area, too. if anyone is going to the forum on the 27th, maybe we could meet up or something.

hope everyone's well.

ptrinkl108
05-18-04, 01:53 PM
Welcome Blue. It's good to read your post, and I hope that you post more. Even if you find your story depressing, I think that you will find supportive intersex people here who can relate to intersex issues.

As you live in the SF Bay Area and you plan to attend the May 27th SF HRC Intersex Hearing, you will have a great opportunity to meet other intersex people at the hearing. It's great that you plan to testify at the hearing. Maybe we can make arrangements for a group of local intersex people to go out to dinner after the hearing.

Peter

Dana Gold
05-18-04, 04:41 PM
Welcome to BLO, Blue.

Dana:)

blue
05-19-04, 01:43 AM
thanks to both of you for the welcome.

yes, i am looking forward to the hearing. it will be great to meet some folks! i would love to have dinner afterwards. i'm sure i will need to unwind a bit in the aftermath. dinner sounds like a nice, grounding suggestion.

it's quite a heavy time for me as i recently found out my mother has stage four lung cancer. we have a terrible relationship (partly re: intersex-related abuse) and haven't spoken in a number of years. so, the day after the hearing i may be going to LA to see her for the first time in a long time, and probably the last time ever.

at any rate, i know it seems like a lot to do in a weekend (!) but it's so important to me to be there on thursday. i know i have to, but it is also really scary.

some of the things i want to say in my testimony are things i've thought "i'll never be able to say that until i know my family is dead." i know that's macabre, but i fear them to this day whenever i think about having any visibility or speaking my truth in a public way. i fear retribution/backlash. but as it turns out, that's not how it's happening.

i am going to go and say what i need to, and i know they are all still alive. there is something powerful about that, i think.

thanks for listening.

ps i can see already that i will probably be checking in here more often than is good for my rsi. the strange business of prioritizing pains.

Glenn
05-24-04, 09:39 AM
i used to live next door in Berkeley, more years ago than I care to admit.
This board's wonderful for taking away the isolation bug, so I hope you'll drop in as often as you can. Have you looked into voice activated controls for your computer? I think that technology's finally getting useful.

Glenn