Coming Out

[aziatic]

Hello everyone, I would just like to ask for advice, Besides the online community, I have never told anyone in person about me being IS. I just recently met a girl that happens to be really attracted to me. We hanged out twice and she has called me a couple times since then but knowing me, I was too timid to pick up the phone. Now she is only 16 years old so I don't know if she is mature enough to handle something like that. I really like her alot and want to talk to her some more but I just don't feel she can understand me without knowing about the IS. She happens to be bisexual or so I think since she admitted that she at one time thought about giving up on guys and said she likes watching lesbian porn. A funny point, it seems that every girl that has ever liked me has been bisexual. Well anyways, she says Im the most different guy she has met. Im not sure how I'm going to approach coming out to her but one thing is for sure. I dont want her to get away from me due to me being scared of opening up to her; much like every otha stint I've had.

Sincerely,
Aziatic

[ptrinkl108]

I would say something to her about being intersex . She has already mentioned to you that you are the most "different" guy that she has met, so it seems that there is a good chance that she would be open to hearing about who you are. I don't think that it is "funny" that bi-sexual women are attracted to you. To me, it makes perfect sense that they might be interested in you. However, with this woman, you really don't know who she is, and you really don't know her sexual orientation. You are making assumptions about her orientation that may or may not be true. The important thing is that you try to communicate openly and honestly. Good luck. I recommend picking up the phone and not letting it ring unanswered.

Peter

[Jules]

Aziatic how old are you? You know I have wondered about our younger members and how they feel about being on a forum that has a round table with people ranging in age from 18 to 50. Now if you were 50, and you wanted to date a 16 year old, I would have a problem with that. :eek:
Age is important because it gives me a context of how I will address you. I'm not going to talk to someone who is 18 the same way I would talk to Peter because I can address issues with Peter that I might not be able to address with someone much younger. I still think that younger members are just as important. But the maturity of the person I am speaking to matters. Not that I assume that all younger members are immature, but it helps if I know the age gap between me and a member so that I do not put my foot in my mouth.
Back to your question, asumming your 18, I would not tell any girl that your intersexed. Untill you have more confidence in yourself-at least enough to answer the phone- I would leave much deeper issues about intersex alone for now. A 16 year old girl could realy turn the tables on you and make you feel terrible for just being honest.
There is a time and place for everything. When your dealing with mature people intersex can be discussed. I would not trust a 16 year old girl with very private imformation about myself unless I knew her very well.
But, by all means date her, but like Peter said you do have to pick up the phone to make that happen:D

[aziatic]

Hello Jules,
I am 17 years old, with one year in high school left. I know she is only 16 but theres just a vibe there that I can trust her. The girl has problems of her own that she told me like how she sees a therapist and was suicidal at one point. Now her problems are in no way like mine, but if I look at the positive side, if she accepts me, I have a friend that truly understands me. Now if she doesn't, she could tell her friends and I could end up with a tough time during my senior year which is something I really dont want. The problem is I don't even have the confidence or self esteem to even deal with relationships but yet I want one so bad.There must be a link between early genital surgeries and self esteem. I spent so much time during my early childhood staring in the mirror for hours at a time kind of confused. So much anxiety builds up in me every time I put myself in a one on one situation with another. Anyways, this forum has been great in reducing the shame and in time my self esteem will be going up.

[Betsy]

hey Aziatic, unless you are planning on becoming sexually active with her immediately, I would err on the side of caution. That is, I would let her get to know you a bit more first and vice versa. I'm also saying this with my old-fashioned hat on. That is, I think sometimes people rush to quick to sex instead of getting to know eachother first. Once you ahve sex, it changes the dynamics of the relationship and that is independent of having an intersex condition.

Just my two cents.

Betsy

[TaylorJ]

Aziatic,

Been right were you are! I am a 40 yr old IS male. With the topic of girls and dating. Been there many times over. Blunt and to the point here, treat a woman right, and she will not care about it. I have never, not once had a woman dump me based on my medical history or my physical differences. I dated a lot of women and it was just never a issue. I was not kidding myself, it really was not issue!

People dump relationships based on how they get along, the personality clashes and sometimes just to move on, something did not click all the way, or life brought changes with time.

All peoples life experiences make up parts of the type of person they are today. But there is far more to who you are and the kind of guy you are other than being IS. And that is what girls really care about. Sure your different from the average guy, you've had to deal with life situations that made you strong, more mature etc. She is picking up on that if you ask me.

Sincerely,

Taylor

[RGMCjim]

Aziatic,
She's sexually adventurous and that's a very good thing for you. I've haven't had much experience with women but I've had sex with more men than I can remember and have been partnered for 10 years. Tim and I have an adopted, gay, 17 yr old son who is wheel chair bound. (I'm 47...) So I feel I should offer some unsolicited fatherly advice..... lol.

I used to act apologetic, get to know people really close before I "broke it to them" and couldn't figure out why people were shocked, acted like it was something ominous and felt like I'd led them on to think I was something I wasn't. Now I tell all kinds of people up front whether I'm going to have sex with them or not. I know their sex, it seems only fair that they know mine. I make it sound exciting. My face, voice and words tell them that I think my body is very cool and I've every confidence they'll think so too. It works. If they're not interested in me sexually then I've still had an opportunity to put a positive face on intersexed people. But, it's not hard for me to find sexual partners and sexual friendships at all. (My partner and I have an open relationship). People with at least some degree of bisexuality seem to be most interested in me sexually and romantically.

At your age a broken heart feels like a fatal wound. If she doesn't hop in your lap it's ok. You're never going to believe this (I didn't either when I was your age and my adopted son doesn't either) BUT.... you WILL find love, romance and plenty of sex with her or someone else BECAUSE you're intersexed, not in spite of it.

Jim

[aziatic]

Hey everybody! Thanks for all the advice!
And Jim, You're so right she is sexually adventurous, in fact, I had to turn her down for sex because I told her I wanted to get to know her more which was a first for any guy to turn her down. I think it'll be a matter of time before I tell her. I'm just going to keep hanging out with her and eventually I'll know if I can trust her.
Sincerely,
Aziatic

[aziatic]

Hey everybody,
I just want to say that times are great for me at the moment and me and this girl are real close now. She came out to me as bisexual so I told her that I'm a feminine guy, which she understands. It's amazing at how much joy there can be in life when you can share it with someone, no matter what dilemmas you have to deal with.

Sincerely,
Aziatic

[Sofie]

times are great
:happy45: Yipee :rose: :cfs_flowe :rose: :cfs_flowe

Sof i e

[Az1]

I have told very close individuals in my life that i am IS. I do not care what they may think. I tell people because I want them to know that the world is not just male and female. I have always been told to follow my heart and ,sometimes my brain does too much thinking. I have told people at the mature age of 44 to 18.
I do not know what they think but my impressions is that at first people tend to take a step back and clam up.
After getting to understand me people want to be very close to me.
People always want to know more. Information is gold and information can also be used against you.
I do not associate with males so I do not have male friends.
I get verbal abuse my significant other, because of being IS. My S/O hates me for living az1 but I am so tired of living in a world not chosen by my spirit.
My female friends want to me my best friends and yes they do flirt with me.
Which in a sense it helps be be az 1.
Have a Nice day

[Shodan]

Hmm, heres an interesting question:

Everyone in my family except cousins and my lil sister know I'm IS,

Now I intend to change my name AND come out as a lesbian,
My mum already supports my name change (I wanna go with Alex!), but the thing bugging me is:
How do I explain it to my 10yr old sister?
I know she'll be really understanding, but I just don't know how to tell her, she looks up to me as her big sister! *so cute (whoops let my girly side out then!)

**
Love the new forum format btw!