Doing for ourselves.

[Dana Gold]

If you could not change a thing in

this world to make you feel better, what could you change about yourself to

make your world a better place.
Hiiiii! :wave1: , Julanne. Your post quote above made me think of this concept: One part of changing ourselves could mean that it would also be prudent and benefical (internally and externally) to redirect ( or save) energy generated by the self....back to the self.....we just can't expend all of our energies to affect our environment (work, private lives, interacting with others etc)....we need to save some for ourselves! What good does a "weak or a dead battery" do us or others, eh? :wink_smil

In the course of trying to affect the environment, and especially by anger-driven motivation (this is true for me) we may just expend our energies to the point of exhaustion, becoming extremely disappointed and/or depressed in the process. Like "banging one's head against the wall"....while "criticizing" my environment I have managed in the past few days to gain some insight into the process it invokes within me....my own psycho-social dynamics. It does me more harm (health-wise) than it does the object/s of my rants good (socially). Do you know what I mean?
I am in a different phase of my life where that kind of (extreme emotion- driven) thinking, feeling, and behaviour is no longer an asset or positive-contributing factor both to myself and others. I am looking at criticism in the light of judiciousness and something similar as Betsy mentioned when she speaks in front of large or small audiences. A "milder" more healthier interaction instead of the "wild punches" :rolleyes2 I sometimes get into.

Take care :wave1:

[Peter]

If I could change anything about myself, it would be that I should be more forceful in my opinions and say things in a clear manner without apology. Those in a position of power seem to often have a high self-regard, and feel that the world should in some sense serve them. Often, they seem to not be suffering from self-pity. With the police, military, educational and other institutions on their side, they can count on the daily brainwashing of people to smooth things over. Occasionally, they will bare their fangs if confronted directly, but are often protected from such confrontations by their ideological domination of the world around them.
On the other hand, if you feel that you have been wronged in some deep manner, like my having been subjected to infant genital surgery without my consent, and then chronic self-pity can arise. I think that Jim is insightful to see that I am impacted by self-pity. There is part of me that wants to raise the petty objection that if we cannot truly know the motives of other people, like doctors, how can you presume to know that I am motivated by self-pity? How come the doctors get a free pass, while I don't? But that is just the logical part of my mind working.
It seems to me that in everyday life, we often ponder or explore the motives of others. Heck, the very notion of sexual orientation is heavily based upon learning about the motivations of other people. I also think that learning about what motivates other people is important for understanding all types of cultural diversity, so that one does not make the mistake of thinking that everyone views the world in the same way.
It's true that in some sense, I am motivated by self-pity. But it would be too easy just to ask me to change my mental state without changing the physical foundation of my self-pity. And therein lies a tragic problem. I am imprisoned in the body that was surgical created for me. I cannot undo the past. Who knows? I might have originally been born with the capability for sexual happiness; a happiness that I have never felt. And, what if I had given my consent, only to later learn that my sexuality had been deeply damaged? What kind of consent would that be?
I have heard that doctors involved in intersex treatment contend that intersex activists represent a few disgruntled cases. Yet, in my experience, it seems that many of the intersex activists that I have met have some sexual happiness in their lives. (They have often worked with great courage on issues of self-discovery and self-respect.) I have read that social researchers who have done field work among intersex people find a very high incidence of sexual damage resulting from intersex surgery. I envision the horrible possibility that far from being a few misfits, that people who are out as being intersex represent the happiest of our world, and that there are many other people who do not come forward because of deep physical and psychological trauma. Far from there being a silent majority of happy intersex patients as some doctors contend, the majority of intersex people may, in fact, have been deeply harmed by intersex surgery or other involuntary treatment aimed at normalizing them. More research is needed to discover if the doctors' assumptions of happy patients are supported by evidence. We desperately need more research and documentation of the long-term physical and psychological impacts of infant genital surgery.

Peter

[Dana Gold]

Dear Peter and others,


Julanne had mentioned more "symptoms" arising in the course of one's life when subjected to the shame, secrecy, societal alienation, and in concert physical and mental effects of anatomical sex-altering surgical and/or hormonal procedures. Even if not told, I think our minds have sensed, registered, and recorded (deep within the subconscious) the events surrounding and including the various medical interventions....not to mention the re-enforcing shock of learning the truth.

Just only self-pity? :thinking2 .....fear, anxiety, depression, substance abuse, insomnia, anger, confusion of sense of self, "gender issues", and lack of self-esteem, inner conflict :2in1: to name just only a few.

And those are only the psychological side of it all; physical symptoms: lack of sensation, obstructions, chronic pain, infection and inflammation, ugly or unusual (in some cases) scarring, unusual sexual response (anorgasmic)...mixed body characteristics of both male and female prompting responses by "others" resulting in probable torment, and possible physical and sexual abuse....to cite just a few.

Ohhhhhhh!! :help: Anybody who has suffered the above .....deserves to be happy.

Speaking exclusively for myself, I have to "change my ways"....I can't jeopardize my physical and mental health ( I'm 54 yrs old!) by my own self-pity, anger extremis :pissed-2: (at myself and the "normals") ....constant pondering on "how things could have been" had not this and that happened. :aargh: ......psychological health is tied into physical health....for my own sake, I can't subject myself to the possibility of suffering a stroke or heart attack or "drowning in my own sorrow and pain".....it's time to "turn the pages" of the "book" of my life, and "write" my own chapter....I wish to live and not just exist and the guarantee for that is (at this stage of my life) heavily dependant upon me. And it's taken me a very long time to get to this point in my life to where I realize that......besides, I think I am "running out of steam" inre constant anger and negative ruminations ....it is very "draining". There may still be some sh*t to deal with in the near present and future....can't let myself be defeated from it.

Anyway, enough. (for now)

Dana

[Peter]

Hey Dana,

You wrote... "It’s time to "turn the pages" of the "book" of my life, and "write" my own chapter..."

I think that it was John Lennon, who said that life is what happens while you are waiting for life to begin. For the last year, since you joined this forum, you have been writing with spectacular insight into your life and issues experienced by both intersex and transgender people. In hundreds of posts you have shared your innermost thoughts, your great knowledge of medical issues, and generally humanistic world view with others.

You might be a little off on the chronology. Through this forum, I believe that you have already written material that will continue to stand alongside other writings by intersex people for many years. We should not sell ourselves short. Everyone who regularly contributes to this forum, or writes in other emerging intersex literary spaces, is making an enormous contribution to the emergence of intersex voices. Sure, we may sometimes fight among ourselves, but that does not diminish the unique and important project that this forum represents.

Peter

[Dana Gold]

Thank you, Peter ..... but as everything in the world goes two ways, the real complement goes to BLO and all of the members, especially Betsy, who through her own sacrifice and tireless devotion ,originated and has sustained this web forum. Without all of that, my thoughts, feelings etc, would have remained unknown......... words "blowing in the wind", as I may have also, in the literal sense. And thanks to those who read and got something out of my posts.....as I have gained a lot from others' posts.

Anybody ever see the movie Forrest Gump, where the opening and closing scenes shows a lone feather buffeted about by the wind? That could represent each and every one of us.....that finally landed and found other "feathers" here at BLO.

Dana :smile:

[aziatic]

Hello Dana
Anyways speaking of Forrest Gump, that happens to be my favorite movie, it gives me hope watching someone mentally disable and lt. dan being legless ending up making a difference in the world and going against the obstacles

[Peter]

This evening, while reading through Sharon Preve's book "Intersex and Identity", I found the following quote from Laurence Baskin, described at the time of her writing the book as Associate Professor of Urology and Pediatrics at the University of California, San Francisco. As I posted earlier in this tread serious questions about medical claims that there are a silent majority of happy intersex surgery patients, I figure that I can share another opinion on the topic:

"I honestly feel sorry for those peple who feel mutiliated by their surgeries. They need counseling to get over their loss. Their surgeries were performed years ago, and the nerve supply wasn't understood. For [every] three [unhappy intersexuals], my guess is there are 97 who are happy. But they're not going to be out talking [about it]." (quoted from page 59 of her book.)

Again - Where is the long term follow up research to support this assertion?

Peter

[uriela]

"Again - Where is the long term follow up research to support this assertion?"

Ignorance, shame, and the code of secrecy militates against it.

[Kara]

Answer:

As some of you know, I'm new to BLO as of last week. My posts have been full of self-pity, denial, and justifications for why I take up space on this planet. Fortunately, I am the kind of person who can only take so much self-loathing, usually I only sit in my garbage a couple of day then do something about it. My IS issues, well, I've been sitting in them for a year now, so here's what I'm doing to make my world a better place...

When I found out I was IS two years ago, after the initial shock, I was rather okay with it. This explained so much about me. I hit my downward spiral once I let other people in my life affect the way I felt about myself. I made the mistake of sharing too much information with people who hadn't even heard of IS before. I kind of felt like I had to (because of my insecurity) since I hung out with a very conservative religious crowd. When people started rejecting me and "God" began telling them that I was being deceived, I really fell apart. I started isolating, hating God, and most of all myself.

I realize that I am powerless over what other people think about me, but I'm not powerless over my attitudes about myself. I also refuse to give up what is important to me. I began praying and studying again (kind of a necessary thing for someone who's goal is to become a pastor), I am educating myself and others (who really desire knowledge) about IS, I'm getting out into the community regularly, trying to develop new friendships, learning when to keep my mouth shut, and ranting on BLO, as well as other POSITIVE things.

Life is too short to be miserable. I'm now looking at all the things I do have in my life and no longer focusing on what I don't have. It is a daily process building my self-esteem, but it's the same for non-IS people too. The apostle Paul gave the advice to renew our minds daily. (Sorry, don't mean to preach, it's a force of habit). Paul's advice really does work. Sometimes I have do do this on a minute by minute basis. This is how I'm making my world better.