I am Depressed people can be so mean

[Zainey]

:stormy: Hi my is miracle i just joined this site today. It feels great to find a site devoted to intersexual. Anyway i feel so lonely and depressed. Nobody knows the real truth about me. I am 21 years old intersesed person living my life as a female. I feel so confused i have all these male feelings but arent I suppose to act like a female.I've never felt like a female, i always felt that there was something wrong with me but couldn't figure it out. When i was younger i liked boy toys like cars and stuff like that but for presents i always got dolls I hated that. Anyway people dont treat me very good. Because they think that i am gay or whateva. I live in the Bahamas and people over here are very homophobic and it seems and if people are always accusing me of being gay. Sometimes I wish people knew the turth, when u think about it probably not. I cant even make new friends cause everywhere i go people seem to have their guards up so i just walk by and dont say anything cause they dont want to have to do with me. I feel hopeless and I feel that i am miles away from where i want to be. This is so hard, I admire people cause their lives are so easy compared to mine. Sometimes I wish this never happened to me, but you have to accept who u are. I guess I have to be strong and try to make the best of my situation. :umbrella:

I hope someone reads this

[ptrinkl108]

Hi Zainey,

I am glad that you think that it is a miracle that you found this site. I remember when I first came to the site, and I felt such a sense of relief to know that there is a place where intersex people can post our thoughts.

Today must be a good day. I just returned from a meeting of the San Francisco Human Rights Commission Intersex Task Force. It was a great meeting, and we are working hard on our upcoming report. In the middle of the meeting we went up to the roof of the building, where the Human Rights Commission is located, and watched the lunar eclipse against the San Francisco skyline. It was great.

I wish the world were a better place. There are so many destructive ideas in the world. Who says that girls have to like girl toys, and boys like boy toys? I too know what it is like to walk down the street alone and have so many people afraid that I might be homosexual. I think that for many people, homosexuality is a the main thing that comes to their minds when confronted with people who seem somehow outside of the gender binary. They hate gay people and they hate other people who are different. And all I want to do is to walk down the street in peace.
I agree with you on the need to be strong, but it is often hard. Tonight, I referred to myself as a "dumb sh*t" at one point, and wish I had not done that. I struggle constantly with low self image. I have never really recovered from the stigmatization and damage of infant genital surgery. But these days, I am meeting intersex people who have gone through experiences similar to mine, and see that they have become strong in their lives.

Peter

[Betsy]

Hi Miracle,

:sign16:

Betsy

[Kara]

Hi Zainey,

I'm so glad that you found BLO. This is a great place to get the support and acceptance you are in need of. I'm sorry that the people in your area are so cruel, it seems like this is pretty common for a lot of us. I wish that I could take away your pain, but unfortunately I can't. What I can do is offer something that helps me get through the times when I feel like I can't go on anymore. It's the serenity prayer. It goes like this...God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Whether or not you believe in God, the concept in this prayer is a good thing to practice in your life.

The way I see it Zainey, you can't change everyone's perceptions, attitudes and bias'. You can however change the way you feel about yourself. I believe that all of us were created exactly the way we were supposed to be, we are not mistakes. It's up to us to define who that truly incredible person is regardless of what doctors may have done to us. In the past, I firmly believed that my body was the broken part of me. Now I see that the body isn't the real problem, it's the person inside the body that needs fixing. Every day I struggle to define myself and build my self-esteem. It's hard work, but it is really paying off. For the first time in my life I am becoming comfortable with my body and who I am. You can do this too. There is no need for you to explain your existence to the people in your town, most won't understand and you will probably suffer emotional pain. (I learned this one the hard way.) Talk things out with people you feel safe around, and by all means talk to us here.

Welcome to BLO,
Kara

[Az1]

I did, oh yeah HI and Welcome,
Life sucks and life can be a pain, I too like you have no friends excpet for the lovely individuals I have met here.
No one knows my pain either , sure I hide from society because I do not trust society.
I do not want people to Know I am Intersexed because I know I will be riduculed and satired.
Oh you are a what, there is nothing wrong with you.
No , I was just cut at birth to be normal that's all.
I cannot have kids but hey that's normal.
I cannot have a loving relationship but that is normal too.
Then One day Blamo,
I went to the holy one and had a long talk, I had asked forgivness for blaming him and That for years I had blamed eveyone who was affliated with me.
I have and still talk to this individual, I do not ask why I am Intersexed I ask how can I cope.
My answer I have recieved was just be me and do not stress over what you cannot control.

I read your input , If you need someone I will be here.

Az1

[Zainey]

Thanks to everyone who replied to my message. it felt like a breath of Fresh air reading these post. Thanks for all of your encouraging messages, they will not be forgotten. thanks to everyone:wink_smil :wink_smil :wink_smil