hello and long time no see

[cougar9q]

hello siblings,

this is Monica dropping a quick "hello" once again... I'm busy with school and work still. I have finally made myself a best friend... I have come out about "my condition" to him and another close friend. They were both very accepting of me. They took what I perceived as a "handicap," simply as something that defined me and not necassaringly something that would or could hold me back. But it has held me back. I have allowed it to do so. The more I think about it, the more inadequate I feel. I have stopped taking and discontinued counseling services for the past 2 months. I'm going to make an appointment to take med's again. But I feel as if the "psycho meds" are a big negative distraction for me to ignore my feelings and situation. When I am "me" I worry, obsess about things, doubt myself and such. I want to be able to not worry without the "help" of medicine.. any thoughts? Thanx
Monica

[Meresa]

Welcome back Monica!! :wavey:

I can relate to your situation. I am attempting to get off of antidepressants myself. I wish I had some easy answers but I dont. (Finding out I have to wait six more weeks to start my job didnt help.) But I am determined to be off of them by end of next year. I wish us both success. :ARMS1:

[cougar9q]

Thanx Meresa :) and good luck to you also this coming year!

[Az1]

When I am "me" I worry, obsess about things, doubt myself and such. I want to be able to not worry without the "help" of medicine.. any thoughts?

I had bought a quad - 4wheeler 200 cc.
this machine has helped me release stress anger frustration and my worry.
sure I worry about a mountain I want to climb, and I have a zillion things going thru my mind about the what ifs.
Then the anger grips me and I fly over the mountain.
although you may want to " put put " thru the woods and check the trail 1st.
I have ridden trails all over ohio west virginia and kentucky. Sometimes the trail will cave in and that is not good.
My frustration always prevails though cause at times I feel I cannot go over the mountain.
but the stress is always there because of the what if's.
I can release the stress my going thru the mud and getting a free mudbath.
may smell like a pig but I can say the if's goes away when I finish loading the quad and driving back to the homestead.
have a nice day

Az1

[Dana Gold]

Like Meresa, I don't have any easy answers, either. I had been taking anti-anxiety (Ativan) meds some time ago. I've taken anti-depressants (many years ago...90s) but don't like their "side-effects". Without the "meds", I've been forced to deal with a lot of internal issues and , of course , external "effectors/stressors"......been successful (if one could really say such a thing) with some of these and still struggling with some others.......the "biggies" with me are the "what ifs" (past,present, and future), as Az1 mentioned. Sometimes, I find that the pent-up energies derived from chronic stress, anxiety and intermittent depression are lessened with some kind of physical activity (even walking) peaceful solitude (not isolation), and engaging in anything to help others (counterbalance negative energies).....a "break-out" from the shell of self-deprecation and influence of the "environment"....my favorite?....early morning (6 AM :coffee: ) drive and stroll/visit to Inspiration Point, a cliff-side area adjacent to shore of the Pacific Ocean.........listen to the seal lions and gulls, and watch the sunrise while I mediate and enjoy the sea smell and sounds of nature....a type of natural poetic peace and "tranquilizer" for me. A close friend to talk with helps too....although close friensdhip may be rare and/or limited since what we have experienced and how we feel is hard to understand/relate to by many if our conversation involves such issues.

Anyway, inner peace is difficult to achieve and sustain, (especially in dealing with bad memories, my problem :confused3 )....but well worth any effort, according to each individuals means and methodologies.....priceless, like it's said.

Dana :island: