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That's a tough question Kara and I don't think there is a good answer.
When I married the first time, I didn't tell my husband anything except that I couldn't have children. He didn't find out about my medical problems until after we divorced and he was quite angry; he said I should have trusted him enough to tell him.
When things turned intimate with my second husband rather earlier than I expected and before I had a chance to broach the subject, I ended up in tears that first night. He wanted to know what was wrong, so I told him. He was very understanding and accepting and that turned out to be a "bonding moment".
After being single for many years, I started dating again last year. When things started getting serious with one guy, I told him and he freaked. That was very painful.
More recently I have been going out with another man. We had a date this afternoon and went to a movie that turned out to be very powerful and moving. His reaction to the movie showed a sensitivity and vulnerability that I have rarely seen in men and I found that I was falling in love with him right then and there. It was NOT something I expected - I have become a jaded old cynic where men are concerned.
I broke off the date early to have time to think and to sort through my feelings and I realized that I had to tell him now. If there was going to be any problem, better it happen now before I am totally ass over tea kettle for him, so I sent him a long email about my childhood. That was only a few hours ago and I have not heard back from him yet.
The timing was totally selfish, to minimize the hurt if things go south. I am not used to being emotionally vulnerable and I am not used to trusting people with my heart If he and I are to move forward, he will have to earn that trust by the way he handles this. Either way it will be a turning point in our relationship.
"The right time" is a personal decision and for me it is about vulnerability: if I am going to give my heart, I need to know it wont be dropped.
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