Just Stumbled In...

[Rycharde]

Hi, I'm Rycharde, 24, male identified from birth, pronounced female at birth.

I have always known I was a boy, all my life I told my friends I had both but never had any proof. I still really don't have medical proof but I know my anatomy is different than any other female I have seen and that I am not trans.

Why? Because I don't WANT to be a boy. I just am. I don't want to be a girl either. I just want to be me. I don't hate my body but without testosterone I suffer severe manic depression. I have two biological daughters and I'm expecting a son in August. All my kids were conceived on birth control. The pill I took was what made me ovulate when I was 14 and my doctors put me on it because I was not menstruating. I was raped and got pregnant shortly after I began my getting period and I stopped taking the pill after the surgeon who preformed my abortion told me that I could not, should not and never will carry children.

I started it again because my boyfriend threatened to dump me if I didn't. I had a daughter the following year. I wanted another child so I started taking the pill and got what I wanted, my two year old daughter.

My son was conceived differently.
My estrogen rocketed because of the supplements I was taking to boost my testosterone. So I tried again, and here I am with child.

This is the last one I'm having. My body is falling apart. I can't keep messing with my hormones like that so I'm taking testosterone patches starting in November 07 and I'm going to stay on a low steady dose of T.

Over my life I have had so many health problems. Looking at how low my estrogen is, and how well my body responds to testosterone things are coming into perspective. Alas I know nothing yet.

I'm really scared to ask my doctors about it because what do they know? I'm seeing a trans clinic where I was instantly approved for testosterone because I'd been living my life for 3 years solid, one stealth as a male, and had come out as being "both" to all my friends at the age of 12.

Still I don't know what I am, I have differences, I have health and mental health issues. I have no idea where to start, or what to do.

I used to think it was because my mom took fertility drugs when she had me that I am different.
But then I started to think. Mom was married at 20 years old. Mom never grew breasts. Mom never had her cycle until she was 23... Mom got VERY upset when I told her I was taking testosterone. But my mom has so many gay friends, so many trans friends, she's got drag queens in our house, making their costumes. Why does she have an issue?
Is there something she will NEVER tell me?
I always said that I wish my children to be just like me, good looking , intelligent and happy in life. She SNAPPED on me and told me never to wish myself onto my children. I think she knows she is intersexed, I think it is hereditary and I think she is very upset that I am making all the choices she didn't have the strength to make.

I now live as a homosexual male and my kids call me Daddy. I started living just as Daddy because it's just easier that way.

I hate fitting into boxes! But I guess I have to eh? I know I'm unstable without testosterone. I know I'm unhealthy and that I was healthier with it. But even just saying I'm gay puts me at risk. Let alone I'm gay and I don't mine being male in a feminine body. I nfact I don't feel the need to change anything and just want to live and be seen as myself. But no one gets that.

I hope being here, someone will.

Thanks.

[freshwater pearl]

I'm not sure if I can give any qualified advice, although I'm happy to listen and learn, but I wanted to say welcome and best wishes

[Peter]

Hi Rycharde,

Welcome to Bodies Like Ours. Thanks for sharing your story. You can look on the bright side of things. If you are living as a gay man, and have female on your birth certificate and have mothered three children, you can probably legally marry a man. I believe that all people should have the right to marry regardless of their sexual orientation. I agree with you that social boxes are often more harmful than helpful.

If you are looking for a possible intersex condition, I would read about different intersex conditions on the Internet. For instance, as you respond to Testosterone, you probably do not have certain intersex conditions. There are other intersex conditions where fertility is common.

You mentioned that you just want to be seen as yourself. I have pretty much given up on other people recognizing me for who I am, but I have hope that I can see myself as who I am.

Peter

[Dianne]

Originally Posted by Peter

I have pretty much given up on other people recognizing me for who I am, but I have hope that I can see myself as who I am.

Peter

Such wisdom Peter! It is sad that most people have so little understanding of sex/gender and the natural variations of both. It grows very discouraging (after so many decades) of having a potential romantic interest disappear after "the talk" or having to keep secrets. Sometimes I think the only ones who truly understand and accept are other I.S. people.

[Peter]

Hi Dianne,

Perhaps you are correct that only intersex people can understand other intersex people. I have thought about this issue, and believe that there is a commonality among people whose bodies display sex differences and ambiguities. To be honest, sometimes I believe that transsexual people (who may also be intersex) have a much easier time understanding my situation than some intersex people. For instance, if a person has had top surgery, but not bottom surgery, they can be very aware of the type of acceptance and rejection issues that I have faced in my own life. While we focus mostly on the physical aspects of being intersex, I believe that the psychological aspects of being intersex can be somewhat overlooked. It is in the psychological area that I feel most misunderstood. For instance, the author of the book “Middlesex”, Mr. Eugenides, says that he uses method acting in his writing. Is this method acting the same as what Judith Butler refers to as “high het” drag? I have many questions, but few answers.

Peter

[Rycharde]

Originally Posted by Peter

Hi Rycharde,

W You can look on the bright side of things. If you are living as a gay man, and have female on your birth certificate and have mothered three children, you can probably legally marry a man.

Peter

Lucky me I'm Canadian.

I don't want either M or F on my birth certificate. I don't want anything there at all!

I don't think for any reason other than medical purposes in todays society should anyone need to outwardly display their designated sex or gender in any form that needs to be shown to people who are not bound by legal confidence.

Also I believe that for those people (medical professionals, financial institutions and places of education and employment) that they should be provided the medical biological sex to treat their medical conditions should any arise and their gender separately so they will know to address that person with the correct or at least polite pronouns.
Starting with that, when people are expected to consider these options and not choose a box that says male or female, maybe they will think and consider what they really are and realize how normal it is to vary in sex and gender.

In Australia voters are marked by their chromosomes. I think if anything M or F could be replaced by that!

Thanks for the idea. I think I should start on a project. A card, like government ID that can be given first before giving legal ID to display a person's true self. Maybe some places will pick it up as personal ID card like we have BYID for sale of alcohol here in Ontario to those who do not have a passport or drivers.

[Peter]

Hi Rycharde,

You are lucky to be Canadian. I agree that it would be better not to have M or F on birth certificates. You mention an interesting fact about Australia. However, using chromosomes on ID cards etc. might also cause many problems. For instance, I believe that most CAIS women would definitely not want to be labeled as XY. I have learned that chromosomes are not really an improvement over the F and M labels. They are just another set of boxes. I like your idea of a true self ID card, where the true self would be determined by the holder of the card. We could get really creative and artistic in creating our individual cards. I am already thinking of my card.....

Peter

[kate.pixiecat]

Originally Posted by Rycharde

Lucky me I'm Canadian.

In Australia voters are marked by their chromosomes. I think if anything M or F could be replaced by that!

I think you might be shooting yourself in the foot with that one. You can't choose your chromosomes, and like it or not, most people are quite ignorant; they will assume that XY=male and XX=female because that is what they are taught in school. At least with M or F you have the choice to *not* explain to every Tom, Dick and Harry who looks at your passport. That said I don't see why there shouldn't be another option for those who want neither. It's pointless trying to eradicate gender from the world though as most people quite like it.

[Rycharde]

Well what can we do to get that started? I know that the cost would be pretty easy to cover if you start off the same way student cards start out. They'd make profit selling for 5$ each.
We don't have to hire a graphics designer. I mean really just come up with some colors and ideas. Put all the pictures on a website and start off with people sending individual email requests for them.

Of course they would hold no water as legal ID. But that's not the point! The point is having something to present with/before giving other ID and having it catch the attention of authorities so that they would see how popular it is and sign into the distribution and control.

I think I'll check out the cost of making them, if anyone wants to send me a design for it then by all means.

I think an annual card would be the best idea. A new card every year, like a student card. With a picture and a big 2007 on it, new color every year or new theme. Have the option of profits going to a charity, and have the charity on the card like having the background as a huge ribbon of the color of your charity or their logo, or have a regular theme picked out that year.
On the card it would have your chosen name (if you go by a name other than your legal name) and maybe no gender marker. If someone likes they can put Ms. Diana Black or just Joe Smith. If the chosen name is different than the real name put a * next to that so that financial institutions aren't fraud by a "fake" name and know to research the name on the file.
The file would display the "facts" according to the government, only to be brought up by those who have "access" and that would be done only by professionals with legal confidentiality obligations such as doctors and financial institutions. Of course, this when it starts to hold water.

Oh so many ideas but I have a two year old telling me she's hungry and it is lunch time!

Oh about the chromosomes thing, It's not perfect. but it IS a step in the right direction. At least their government is acknowledging the need for change even if they are not satisfying it correctly. It's progress. Let's fight for more.