Its Documented, I'm not delusional

[Kailana]

Sorry for that, i have had one truely amazing night.

Yesterday, i had my SSI hearing, with a Judge, orthopedics dr, and a psychiatrist all with video conferencing which was a little unsettling. Anyways, during the hearing the orthopedist, psychiatrist and the judge were first surprised that i hadn't been shown what they were going to review. My records that is that they had of me, Military medical records, and medical records from 1999-2005 with local doctors and psychiatrists. Each stated what they saw as of the most concern which really was kinda good and devastating.

Examples:
Orthopedic, resighting my military medical records, karyotype 45X/46XY, Turners Mosaic, presence of uterus and bilateral ovaries. Discreet protruding discs, s3-s4, s4-s5, wedged discs t-12, L2, direct link to straitening of the spine, ortheoarthritis lumbar spine, degenerative disc disease, i kinda forgot what classification he said i was put in, but its similar to the classification for downsyndrome, not that i have that, it was just the dissability classification number used, the Judge questioned him about it, and it was said was basically with the Turners Mosaicism, there are multiple bone disorders common to those with it, and that the down syndrome class number for bone abnormalities was the closest thing he could find in the guidebook they use for dissability, The judge agreed with that decision.

but the psychiatrist, who had reviewed my mental records was surprised and stated so, "all of the mental health records, state there is no evidence of any female organs present, how can the military say, he is this xy/xo when the local doctors say karyotype is xy. A short discussion on the difference and accuracy of Buccheal smear accuracy to blood karyotype ensued. And the Military records stood triumphant. I kinda tried to interrupt them during that discussion to explain , but was advised to wait. When they did finally ask me, I basically said, look everything about me is in my military medical records, there are tons of labs, hormone levels, bone scan, mri, and psyche eval. All there because of what was found during that MRI exam. And all of it the VA simply refuted, so i asked for repeats and basically talked them into an ultrasound, and all they did, was completely ignore whats there. All the lab work, for the last 8 years, any thing that stood out as unusual, i have been pretty much told is well a little odd maybe, or well thats kinda low, it is like not one single person within Walla Walla will acknowledge just how different my lab work is. And all of the stuff they say about me being delusional and fixated on the belief that I am female is alot of nonsense, I will say again i am Intersexed True-hermaphrodyte and I know what I am, I just had a very very hard time coming to terms with being intersexed. It is not an easy thing to be told your intersexed, and not know what that is, and when they finally get down to genetics, to not be male or female, but something else, and when it comes to what gender you are, what sex you are, to constantly question whether you are man or woman, is just hell. Then to finally break down and go for help, only to have each and every doctor, Psychiatrist, tell you your crazy(my words), they said delusional, sucks, and to end up overdosing and having surgery forced onto you that permanently changes how you behave, when you do ovulate is cruel. And what gets me most, is that the whole reason I left the military is the things they told you, you have cancer,

which the orthopedic dr, stated testicular cancer, and i said yes they said i had testicular cancer but sought help through the VA so noone i worked with would know what i am, and the VA just gave me a physical and said theres nothing wrong with you, just sucked. Again the psychiatrist was surprised that my military records stated that too. She had her own opinions which were allready favorable to me so it just helped me even more. From her point of view the gender identity disorder was already apparent, and well documented, she wasnt aware that everything i had actually been telling dr's for years was in fact true.

The Judge, I should of offered a kiss over the videoconference, but just said thank you. 3 years of back pay, and continued assistance i guess is the best to say it. He was curious about my MRI scans of 2004, so ill send those to him, and he was also surprised when i told him how many times i have tried to get a copy of my military records, and each time all the important data was edited out. But then a Judge is a judge, and the court order for my records included everything, i'll be getting my military records from his office soon. so there, I AM NOT DELUSIONAL, ok ok no one here said i was, But as some people keep questioning, how do you know if someone is actually what they say they are? well best answer at some point there wil be documented evidence. I do seem to think they forgot to mention the CAH, but thats ok ill have my records soon, and ill see if i can get some testing done for that, too figure out whether its actually CAH, and exactly what form, ive assumed one of the 17 variants, but who knows what i actually am.

ok, i am all done gloating, and ill probably gloat some more when that check arrives, 6-8 weeks, and believe it or not the Judge actually said I might be able to get some real help with it, and sorry I have had to go through everything I have endured over this. I am just thinking, this guy is really great, now why can't I get one of Lisa's Doctors to check me out. Who knows maybe i can. Boise Idaho isnt so far from me, 3 1/2-4 hours tops, hmm.
As for getting help with the money, well ill get some, but truethfully SSI, even 3 years really isnt that much, it will deffinately help, and ill use it well, but i allready see it dwindling fast.

I am actually happy, really really happy, I guess not every bad crappy thing always happens to me, No more Why me's today, And yah even though my signature says i am only happy when i am complaining, what i am really saying is the only way i get rid of alot of stress which makes me feel better is when i complain about things.

love ya all, ill be back soon

[Kailana]

when they mentioned the Uterus, and bilateral ovaries, meaining hey theres two, what i was told way back then was a juvenile uterus,, so people dont get any ideas that its a normal uterus. Underdeveloped basically, though i kinda didnt state that duringthe hearing, as i stated i was kinda happy that those records were in there. As I have requested them several times since 2001, when my copies dissappeared on me. What i was sent, only stated the discreet protruding discs, and not much else, a page and a half of records, was cut down to 3 sentences. All the information on the size, demensions of, everything was gone. I did get some of the labs though, but those have just been refuted too, thats the thing with how i have been treated locally, many things remain the same, lab wise, some things have changed with that surgery in 2002, and my labs are really different now, as i have been on hrt for the last year and half, but the main thing is, before the hrt, most of my labwork put me in the middle. Some were normal female, some ridiculously low male, some almost normal male, some low female, and some well normal for both. Everything though never exactly fit for male or for a female, as there was always something that stood out. Yet all my doctors, just ignored it.

Anyways, i kinda put this down here in the SPEAK YOUR MIND, well because thats what i feel like i am doing mostly, I dont reallly expect any replys, I was just happy and had to share my happiness with everyone.