When to start talking

[Peter]

Hi Babyjoe08,

It sounds like your child is very bright, because of being able to to read at the age of four. I would generally say that it is probably best to start talking to your child about being intersex at the age of five or six, but since your child is very mature for their age, it sounds like the topic can be brought up at any time that you feel comfortable. I knew that I was different from the time I was about five or six years old, but it was only when I was around seven years old that my father explained the infant genital surgery that I had experienced. He did a pretty good job of explaining things, but I think that it is important for parents to provide their child with an overall sense of sexual development and anatomy when having an intersex discussion with their child. I knew about my infant genital surgery years before I had a clear idea of what sex and puberty are. I think that discussions of infant genital surgery should be presented as part of the bigger picture. Your comments better help me understand how difficult it is for the parents of intersex children to face questions of how their child will develop at puberty. That's often the big unknown. I think that it is best to try to find a way to face the unknown that involves your child in a meaningful way. It is good to hear that you are not tightly bound to traditional stereo-typical gender roles, and that you believe that children have a right to be whatever they want to be.

Peter