Intersexuality is a disease, my mom says. Yeah. Right.

[panduwinata]

Hey all,
Sorry I disappeared these past few weeks. I've been having some really awful personal problems, involving my mom, my ex-girlfriend, and my intersexuality. (Or, as my mom likes to call it, my "disease".)
[If you're reading this, it's not a disease, mom, okay!?]
God. . .
It's a terrible, merciless world we live in. Especially for those without a "normal" gender. I hate getting stared at when I go out androgynous. I hate being kicked out of the men's room--and then getting curious stares in the women's room as well. I hate having to don clothes that are exactly male or precisely female. I hate the fact that society needs to put you in a gender box--a box from whence you are hard-pressed to move out of.
We need another box. Or two. Or three. Or just this: we don't need any boxes. Gender is a social construct with only a slight basis in biology.

The following is for my mom if she happens to read:
Are you reading this, mom? I was made like this, an intersexed person who happened to've been born a boy. I am not a freakish hermaphrodite with an illness. I am what I am. I can survive in the world. I can be a successful businessperson like you want me to be, mom. My grades aren't bad, I'm an exceptional conversationalist, my friends love me and accept me, I'm damn creative, and I still have that very male ambitious streak. And you do not accept me because most people call me "Miss" instead of "Sir"? You don't accept me because *boys* hit on me instead of girls?
Tough, mom. I like being what I am.
It's not easy being intersexed, but I *am* intersexed. You got to know how it feels. Stop being a slave to societal norms and accept that your son is also your daughter, and would probably be *only* your daughter in a few years.
And mom? If you're in this forum again, try to read what these people have to say. Better yet, *feel* what they say.
These are my friends.

[apple]

panduwinata

You really do understand well, and you definitely have what it takes. I find you a very refreshing change around here.

So glad you are here.

[Kailana]

as for parents, well, who knows, i as well have had more issues with my parents then i have had with the rest of the world. Sometimes, i wonder why they are so damn stubborn. Why are they so worried about what other people will think? I mean in all reality, we are the way we because of whatever genetic, hormonal, anomoly that make us look different. Its not as if we arent still human. Yet what i see is that the parents who have the issues about accepting us, well there more worried about what others will say. As if they are the reason we are the way we are. That they are to blame. Which in a way i suppose could be partially true. Its not as if they had any control over how we came into this world. In reality, they should accept us for us, and not for what some idiotic Doctor told them what they could do to make us look normal without our consent. And in the same mood of thought, accept our decisions to correct or chose to live our lives as we see best for ourselves.

You might try talking, not angry, not emotional, just talking with your parents about acceptance for what you see yourself as. You are who you are, because that is what your brain is telling you. Your Different, because thats who you are. Im different, because thats who i am. A great many of us are different in our own little ways, because thats what they are. Yet we are all human, and should be treated with respect, honesty, acceptance and love. Thats really all we need to be happy, the feeling of being loved i think is probably the most important of all.

Best Wishes

[panduwinata]

Thank you guys for actually replying to my rant. . . Sorry for losing control a bit back then. . . It's just that my mom really got to me this time. . .

On a much lighter note-- I just received exciting news this afternoon. I am representing my school to go to Boston, USA, for the Harvard National Model United Nations program in February 2008. (www.hnmun.org) This is a really big deal for me because I've never been to the States. And I'm, like, totally excited right now. I mean, right after that big fight with mom, I can actually show her that I'm not going to be a hermaphrodite loser. Well, hermaphrodite, yes; but a loser, no! Hee hee.

To celebrate, I shall post these totally inappropriate pictures of me. (Okay, probably not a very good reason-- But I'm just soooooooo happy.)

Regards,

[Labrador]

Hi there. Just wanted to say thank you for your post. I can't tell you how helpful it is to read. I'm just beginning to face and accept that I'm different than the "norm". It's inspiring to read your words.

Congratulations on the the trip to the USA. ... Great pictures by the way.

[Dianne]

Parents can be STRANGE!

My own adopted mother was so absolutely stubborn that when I told her I had to change my "public gender" and correct my body because I was suicidal, she said it would be better if I killed myself. There is NO EXCUSE for that kind of cold callous heartless attitude. When I met my birth mother and told her what happened, it didn't phase her a bit - instant acceptance and support. Go figure!