this is tough to write. fortunately you can't see how long this takes to compose.

okay, let's try the obvious - Hi, I'm Glenn.

I guess I don't officially "belong" here 'cuz I got a consistent set of plumbing at birth. My trouble came later when my hormones got lazy. I have secondary hypogonadism (low testosterone level, apparently starting after or during puberty). As a result I have typical male parts, but didn't find out for 20+ years that I didn't have anything like normal sex drive.

This is akin to getting a car for your 16th birthday, but there isn't a gas station within 1000 miles. Looks nice in the driveway, but doesn't do much.

Now that the problem has been identified, I'm getting hormone supplements to try to bring me up to speed biologically. And I found stuff like the Yahoo Group for my condition, but they just talk about @#$%^& hormone levels.

Something else is still missing.

<rant>
I'm writing to this board because I identify with a lot of the fish-out-of-water thoughts expressed by intersexed people. It's hard to deal with "normal" people, because I never have been one physically or socially. What does a date feel like from your body's point of view? What does it mean to be a good lover? Is it possible to look forward to making love without being terrified of being rejected? Why do I get the feeling I was gypped (sp?) and clueless - like I was the last person on Earth to think professional wrestling is a competitive sport? Who can I scream at? Who did I piss off to earn this humiliation?
</rant>

Thanks for giving me a place to rant.
Glenn

Hi Glen,

I have to compliment you on your honesty with what you feel.

We're probably so far apart in age that I or you wouldn't normally cross paths. I'm 49 yrs old. BUT. Over 30 years ago, I was asking myself the same questions you're asking now.

I am a female to male, and have led a fairly normal life, all considering. The first step is to reason with the resentment and anger, and work with it, not let it eat you alive trying to find answers to the questions.

Once you get to that point, you'll start living. People can be kind and loving, even to you with a birth defect. You're no freak. In my eyes, you're no different than someone born with a heart defect.
Yes, there will be limitation in your life, but if your convictions are strong, you will be able to work through this and do fine.

Part of me recognizes you're right. I'm just glad for a place to vent safely. It's almost as though I'm going through the stages of mourning.

Glen,

I'm glad that you are here and felt comfortable enough to share this. Please know that going through a mourning process is completely normal. There is a whole process to go through to get to acceptance, and where you are is normal. It's hard when you finally realize that you have something different about you than you had always thought. We are here to help you out bud.

CR

Thanks, C-R.

In retrospect, I had one odd benefit from my condition (or at least possibly because of my condition) years ago.

I was living in Los Angeles and had a friend who was a very rare lesbian - she had never never ever been with a man. At one point she commented that, though very proud of her exclusively female relationships, she would have considered sleeping with me, if ever she slept with a man. It seemed a very high form of praise.

Little did I know there might have been chemical reasons I didn't seem as offensive as most men!