First of all, at times we all feel like we have no friends, but yet we have allot of them , but we tend not to call the friends just someone we know. In reallity most people don't have one true friend weather being so called NORM or IS , atleast according to statistical studys. It is very normal for us to feel like it is our fault when we lose a friend but reality is, if it were a true friend you wouldn't have lost them. true friends except you no matter what you are, but we as friends also need to keep in mind, that as hard as they try, they won't ever understand what it is like for us and therefore we should not revolve our relationship around being IS or anything else for that matter. If all we tend to talk about is our problems, it's understandable that even a true friend might get tired of hearing us wine about it, no different then we ourselves get tired of hearing the same thing over and over again. True True friends are far and few between ,but if your fourtunate to find one, being IS or Trans or anything else simply won't matter to them. Ashley

After the corrective surgeries I did lose friends and family over just the issue of who I am and was no longer...in fact they did not hesitate to tell me so. My brother in law threatened to kill me over it. My co-workers reviled me to my face. The person I was married to for nine years made matters worse and got upset every time I tried to make new friends.

It still hurts that I have no family to speak of (not for want of trying...but I no longer know where they are). I have made new friends that truly care about me no matter who I used to be.

I still have a tendency to think that there is something wrong with me when a friend walks away.

My original post on this thread was very upbeat and positive. I feel I need to clarify what I said. Coming out as intersexed in the GLBTI community has been nothing but positive for me. I even discovered that people at my community center and the transgender group (some of whom I'd known for years) not only had a thorough knowlege of intersex and our issues but had a place at the table set for us, just waiting for one of us to show up. I have no trouble finding sex partners (Tim and I have been together 9 years and our relationship is monogamy of the heart, but we are not sexually exclusive - we play) and I stress this because I think it is vitally important. It's all very fine and good to be "accepted" at arms length by polite people. It's another thing to be hugged, touched, kissed and welcomed as one of a group of intimate friends. Are we a guest in the family of humanity, or can we find a home? I can answer that question!

That's the GLBTI community. That is NOT MY EXPERIENCE WITH THE STRAIGHT COMMUNITY. I have NEVER, not ever, never had a postive experience with straight people - it has only been lessening or worsening degrees of awful. Even my own mother told me throughout childhood that I'd been given to her to make her life miserable and that having me had set her apart from all other women. After watching Billy Graham on TV at the age of 14 I ran into her room to tell her that God loved me just as I am. Her reply was, "Great, then go to God. There is no place on Earth for people like you." I could go on with horror stories for days. I'm sure all of us could.

All GLBTI people are gender variant in some degree and have to confront their own gender issues - we're forced to. The result is that we're all in a better place of understanding what gender is all about. People who are just coming out often still have a lot of self-hatred and gender phobia but people who are further along their journey welcome us and see parts of themselves in us.

Straight people are emotionally straight-jacketed by gender roles, gender expectations, rigid codes of acceptable behavior and personality traits, and a social system that makes them mutally dependant. By this I mean, women express emotions for men, men are strongly assertive for women, men take out the garbage and mow the lawn, women cook and run the house. Women are the nurturers and if they're not they're looked down on. Men are the providers and if they're not they're ridiculed. They may "help" each other, but who is in charge of what remains. Without each other they are half a person and if you look through the valentine's cards you'll see what I mean. We scare the living daylights out of them not because of what we are, but because our very exsistance shatters their carefully constructed glass houses of what men and
women "should" be. It is a whole lot harder (but not impossible!) to find straight people who can connect to us.

I think we have a great commission - a calling, if you will. As we (all gender variant people including but not limited to the intersexed) become more visible we will help all people question the repressive "shoulds" that limit human expression. We have a lot to offer BECAUSE of what we are and have been through, not in spite of it.

Jim

Wow Jim!

Gee, I didn't realize that I was "emotionally straight-jacketed by gender roles, gender expectations, rigid codes of acceptable behavior and personality traits, and a social system that makes them mutally dependant" just because I happen to be straight.

I'm happy to hear that that GLB people "are <b>all</b> in a better place of understanding what gender is all about." My body didn't seem to know what sex to be and I didn't like the gender they gave me. But, gee, you know, maybe I should be gay and then I'd understand better. :D

Jim, I've had no trouble "coming out". The people I know aren't afraid of me or what I may represent. Why should I be such a threat to you?

Jane

I've never had a problem (knowingly at least) in the straight community. The kids I work with a couple of days a week at my freelance job all know and think it's great. We have many hetero donors, and supporters. I think it really depends on the person...

It's also important to remember that not all intersex people are gay or lesbian. Sure, a whole lot us are...but there many who are not.

Warmly,

Betsy

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Until you've lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was or what freedom really is. --Margaret Mitchell

I have found incredible support, understanding and outrage from everyone I've ever spoken with in the "straight" world. Less concerned with my sexuality than my right to choose, bodily integrity, and the suffering I've endured by well meaning but clueless professionals.
We do tend to expand their horizons a bit, but only the most closed minded would even dare to deny our truth.

Hiya Ashley
Just wanted to say hello and welcome you to the board.I havent got to much to say, other then dont worry about venting, hehe its a great place to vent also a great place to learn about other intersexed conditions that make us all unique. Welcome again
Rudy

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Screaming Banshee

HI all,
Regardless of gender identity and sexual orientation I don't think many intersexed people have the same gender/sex hangups as the rest of straight society. We don't fit their model by the virtue of our bodies.
It gives me hope to hear that others have had some positive experiences with straight people. Maybe the world has changed a little out there. Lately I've been having a little more contact with them and I just figured that because they were already gay-friendly it wasn't a big jump to sex/gender friendly too. The general public..... well, God knows I'm going to find out. I've been trained to be a member of the Gay Alliance of the Genesee Valley speaker's bureau. One of the seminars I'll eventually teach is on deconstructing gender. If the latest statistics from HRC about actual public opinion of GLBTI people is correct then maybe I'll get some reasons to change my tune!


Jim

Jim,

I bet you will reach them and find acceptance.

Ironically, you know who we've thus far seem to be having a hard time reaching and making into supporters? Non-intersex lesbians. I can't understand it because by virtue of past surgical treatments, alot of us are despite our particular intersex condition. You know the concept put forth by the well-know surgeon:

"It's easier to dig a hole than it is to build a pole"

But we seem to freak them out. Ironically, gay men tend to be huge supporters.

We have a couple of fundraising events coming soon that are being put together with the assistance of a couple of well-known/famous lesbians in an effort to reach that particular segment of our population.

Another segment of our population that we are starting to see good acceptance (and outrage I may add) is the religious communities. Once they get over the shock of having their preconceived notions of gender and sexuality turned upside down, there is an incredible amount of support.

Betsy

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Until you've lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was or what freedom really is. --Margaret Mitchell