Hi all. I'm Sarah, I'm 38 & an Intersexed Female (to the best of my knowledge). I posted here last fall as Sarah511 but am now getting online under another screen name, so changed my BLO screen name too.

Anyway, to update everyone... In summer 2001, wondering if I might be bisexual or lesbian, I bought a lesbian sex book, put it on my shelf & never read it. In summer 2002, I took it off the shelf &, being squeamish about sex, I read a non-sexual chapter on Gender where I first learned there was something called Intersexuality & put the book back on the shelf. One night around August/September 2002, I re-read the chapter & really took a good look at that flap of skin between my legs I'd been wondering about. That's when I realized I was Intersexed. That wasn't so shocking. After that, my parents gave me my birth certificate. On it I am designated as a Son, even though I was raised Female. That was shocking. Then I found this site & all of you marvelous people & posted & received a warm welcome. Then, for some reason, I fell into a deep depression all winter & all this spring.

Here I am again, resurfacing from my pit of despair.

Actually, I think I know the reason I've become depressed. I've tried twice to bring up this subject with my mother & she acts as if it's not true & she knows nothing about it. She practically had steam coming out of her ears & said that if my birth certificate says Son, "we'll have it changed".

Anyway, I've resigned myself to the fact that true, open & honest communication with my so-called "family" will never be & that all of you really ARE my family. I've also decided that part of my mission in life is to be an intersex educator & activist & to make my health my first priority.

Herein is my dilemma. I have a new gynecologist, to whom I just paid a visit. I was going to show her my birth records but there was so much to do & discuss that it never came up. She has a clinical psychologist on staff whom I'm considering making an appt with. If I bring this up with the psychologist, do I risk being classified as GID (even though I have two records clearly showing that they decided to classify me as Female for health purposes)? If I bring this up with the gynecologist on my follow-up visit, do I risk being pressured into having surgery to correct my perceived "problem"? Since I am just now in the process of applying for Medicaid, do I risk being rejected for govt aid because of this condition? Or should I wait until I have Medicaid before bringing this up? Should I bring it up at all? If I have associated health problems (I suspect I do), isn't it in my best interests to let SOME doctor know?

It's good to be back. Peace.
Sarah

Sarah,

It's nice to see you back! I'm starting to wonder if it is "old home week" here as several people who registered long ago have returned recently which makes me very happy. It shows we are a resource that people remember.

It seems many of our parents have selective amnesia. One of the things that occurs under what we call the "concealment-centered protocol" is that parents were told time and time again to never acknowledge our condition for what it really is. I personally don't think it is fair to blame our parents because they were simply following "doctor's order"

On the medicaid issues---I personally have no clue but would be interested in hearing from those who do.

On GID---No. But it might be up you to do the educating of them. Many therapists don't have a clue about IS. I would recommend sending them to our site and ISNA to learn if you run into this problem. Same goes for surgery---just say no, and mean it. You need to be your own best advocate in your healthcare. Sometimes, people share their histories with caregivers and then even have them call us for more information---feel free to do the same. Those calls are treated with privacy and are never shared with anyone.

I'm a big fan of therapy---short term and long term. Sometimes it simply helps to be talk with someone else.

Betsy

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Until you've lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was or what freedom really is. --Margaret Mitchell

Betsy,

It's so nice to BE back. I must have really fallen into quite a depressed state to have left this group. I'm glad I'm not the only returnee here. Yes, I definitely remembered all of you.

Yes, I am coming to finally agree that it is not the parents we ought to blame but the doctors and their treatment protocols. My parents are just like many parents who trust doctors implicitly and are willing to "follow doctors' orders" no matter what.

I do have a feeling that my parents were told though. Once, when I was not getting along with my mom, she blurted out "You're a mistake!" I didn't reply to her but I was puzzled and hurt by it and I asked a lady at my church why a mother would ever say such a thing to her own child. The church lady didn't have any more clue than I did. Now I have the clue.

Yes, I have a feeling that I will have to do the educating from now on. I think it might be time that I take you up on that offer and get some or all of your pamphlets. No matter what psychologist I go with, I'll definitely share this site and ISNA with them. And I will have my gynecologist and other physician call you.

Sarah

Glad you were able to get out of that pit!

My mother is very religious, and somehow got the notion that my being defective made me a punishment from God. Didn't know I was that powerful! In retrospect, maybe I shouldn't have been so well behaved as a child...

Parents are people too, and just as subject to ignorance and saying stupid things as the rest of us.

Glenn

Hi Golden
I am not surprised as I am a 57 year old lesbian with CAH and still till this day have not been told by my parents or anyone else in the family - my mom passed and my Dad is still around and still in denial - I was totally confused about what had happened to my body - I knew I was different but didn't quite know what it was all about - my Endo's told me I had Addison's
(close but not right) then I found BLO and came to realization that I was not alone - there were many just like me and I could open up to them and ask any question I wanted with no hemming and horring - I finally found a home - I still have many problems within me but I have come a long way since BLO
I wish you the best
Connie

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connie

frm my experience getting family to talk to about this is extemely hard.on the med issues and medicaid i think u will have to use ur best judgement on when and how to tell them. they need to know about because there can be some medical issues that stem from this

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Charlene

Life is a b. But being depresed makes me not wanting to grow or experience wonderful things in a life that only I can experience.
I am IS ,I do not identify w/labels.
It is funny to watch others in life wander around looking for something they can identify with. Being Is I am not wandering to be Az1.
I think that this is a gift and only I can apperciate being IS cause I do not know too may who are where I am from.
When I feel empty I usually get up and go do something different.
I think that your questions can only be answered by you .
Family do not wish to explore Individuals being not like themselves , I personally think it scares them.
I hope you find your answers that youseek as we all do .
Have a nice day

Muhoe

For purposes of Medicaid, as in Medicare, which is based on disability, it can go either way: it can be perceived as a medical problem or a psychological problem. It will basically be one or the other, though. At least with psych. diagnoses, they go for one only. But GID should not preclude one getting aid. The medical route is usually the one that gets the most attention. Example: diagnosis of Schizophrenia vs. diagnosis of Personality Disorder.

Schizophrenia can be "proven" by brain changes on MRI's and a broad range of behavioral/functional factors; a personality disorder cannot. Another example: head injuries which cause clinical depression vs. someone who is diagnosed as depressed.

Best of luck with getting your aid.

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"May those who love us, love us. As for those who don't love us, may God turn their ankles, so we may know them by their limping." -- Ancient Irish proverb

Hello Sarah,

GID is regarded within the DSM-IV as a "disorder" of psychosexual development. And the medical doctors are woefully ignorant of co-existing intersex AND GID conditions when it comes to gender issues. Perhaps your psychologist can advise you and afterwards discuss with a reliable Medicaid representative first , so when you do apply they will put you in the "right" category. The downfall for the GID "diagnosis" is that most , if not all, insurance plans (I'm sorry....I have no knowledge of Medicaid/care) do not cover expenses for endocrinologist and psychologist because they regard GID (as in transsexual) as "medically unnecessary"....so you might want to be careful , one may have GID and not be TS, and as Betsy said, you will have to be your own advocate and "authority" on the issue... It is frustrating for any IS person to be saddled with the difficulty of adequate medical/psychological care...it was MORE difficult for me to find an Endo to take care of me because most are/were afraid of negative results from any hormonal treatments to a pre-existing "abnormal hormone" profile, but then, you see I'm TS ( weird that I do this now and "clasified" as TS wherein male hormones throughout childhood were "medically necessary".for normalcy ...TS med care now is deemed NOT medically necessary and a psychosexual disorder!)..the Schwein. . My advice would be like the adage: " look before you leap " ; discuss with the psych and research the medical ( you're definitely on the right path by coordinating the med/psych people with BLO and ISNA) and be prepared for a "rat's maze" ....I can empathisize with your dilemma, it will require patience of Job and the tenacity of Ghandi....in any case it would be beneficial to deal with the depression, anger, and anxiety first above all....to prepare yourself for the "battles" ahead....sorry I'm not more encouraging as in phrasey quotes and metaphors,....well....maybe, one, uh...make that two:

"I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; I will not refuse to do something I can do."
-Helen Keller

"Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace."
-Amelia Earhart

Take care:)

Dana