I know for me personally, the holiday season can be a depressing period of time. All around me I see families who get together and all that... yet for me, and I suspect a few of the rest of the IS people out there, I am unwelcome with my birth family... because of my being IS... --- So, I would like to open up this dialogue and request each of you feel free to vent to your hearts content... if you wish for feedback, ask for it... respect each other and do not offer feedback unless it is asked for. Let us gather as a community and be supportive at this time of need. --- I am willing to answer your emails, should you wish to discuss anything privately... and know this... I wish each and every one of you the best possible passage thru this most difficult time... I am sending you all positive waves. PJ

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Faith Manages - Cap

Hi PJ,

Well, I already vented around and after Thanksgiving (boy! did I vent, like a volcano)...depressing? I got drunk over the Thanks-for-nothing Days...without going into detail, yes, it was a down time...anyway, I've made a new determination, I can't let myself rot or be blown away from external and internal factors...I can't say with 100% certainty that I will remain that steadfastly optimistic, but I have felt that most of my life has been wasted and I , for my own sake, have to turn that around..most of my bloodline family have passed away, my mother remains, yet she is in, what I feel, total denial about my past (as I have been) thinks I'm happy the way I "turned out"..little does she know that I have found out the entire "family secret" (not just my IS, but other "stuff"), she's old and has had heart bypass surgery recently, so I let her think that way...it sucks to lie to her, but "what goes around, comes around", eh? Sorry to say, I've not felt that close to her, and have felt I was a burden to her during my childhood, sometimes I would try to hug her and she actually pushed me away a few times. My step-father did not like me, I know they argued a lot over me. Just as to others, I was perhaps just: a little Kraut ( American slang for a German person) freak-boy. I can never visit her ( in S. Carolina) because I'm doing the TS thing also ( changing back to, as I regard it) and it would most likely shock her, my half-siblings, her 3rd husband and related bunch. I would not be able to, and would not want to, go through that either. I'm trying to stabilize my life now, and I wish for that path to stay open to me. I guess one never really misses what was unpleasant to oneself. So be it, I don't feel bad at all about not visiting them. As for feedback, it's ok with me, I'm open to it.
Bye to all,..."Suffer what there is to suffer, enjoy what there is to enjoy. Regard both suffering and joy as facts of life and continue to build your own happiness, no matter what happens".
Buddhist proverb.

And a Merry Whatever for the holiday season!

Dana

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Andy Dufresne (from the movie Shawshank Redemption): "It's my life. Don't you understand? IT'S MY LIFE!'"

I sounded quite cold in my last post., however I am not a cold person.... During my lunch hour, I made out a Christmas card to my mother and her husband..a nice card , expressing my love and best wishes..I don't hate any of my family, what's done is done..let her and the others remain as they are and live out their lives in peace...just as I must do. How ironic...her silence and lies created turmoil, my silence and lies will create
( or at least a veneeer of ) peace. I forgive her as I do myself..

Dana

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Andy Dufresne (from the movie Shawshank Redemption): "It's my life. Don't you understand? IT'S MY LIFE!'"

I can understand hoilday blues. I get hoilday rage. The Christmas music at my store plays 24/7 for a month, I can't stand it. People at supermarkets get really unhappy and mean this time of year. My boss gave me a written warning for singing Christmas songs to loud. It was a joke of course, but he gets mean around the hoiday as well. Christmas is for kids. I stopped feeling sentamental about the hoidays when my mom died. I get one paid day off for christmas. I often try to spoil "myself" at least a few times around christmas because it is one of the few times it feels good to be selfish for myself. That makes the hoidays better for me, being selfish. ......;)

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You really have to love yourself, to get anything done in this world!

Julanne

Yes, and people get , like, hyperactive, nervous and all....as if they are all stressed out!... and that's when they leave out their frustrations and disappointments on others ..what kind of happy holiday is that?! Oh , Oh , I'm starting to get negative. You're right to indulge yourself, Jules, being good to oneself is a real happy holiday.

Dana

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Andy Dufresne (from the movie Shawshank Redemption): "It's my life. Don't you understand? IT'S MY LIFE!'"