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Our
Gender
People
with bodies like
ours sometimes don't particularly fit well into binary, either/or
categories due to our unique chemical, hormonal and physical make
up. This can also be true when we try to place ourselves solely on
one side of the gender scale (feminine) or the other (masculine).
The concept
of gender is different than biological sex, sexual orientation,
and sexual preference. Gender is more about society's preconceived
ideals and stereotypes for what is considered appropriate dress,
manner, interests and behavior for males and females. Indoctrination
into acceptable gender patterns begins with our first pink or blue
outfit, the toys put out before us, and the reinforcement of gender
appropriate behavior. Even the stranger who declares, "What
a big strong boy you are," or "What a cute little girl
you are," is sending cues to the small child as to what behavior
and attributes are prized.
If you are
an adult who survived the confines of gender appropriate behavior
of the last half century, you already understand the incongruity
of biological sex and gender. As it turns out, we were way ahead
of current gender-bender theorists, breaking away (or attempting
to) from biologically sexed traditional "right" and "wrong"
behavior, without even understanding the complexities of our actions.
Unfortunately
for some of us, any gender displays that were incongruent to
our biological sex felt threatening to our parents, who had been
instructed to only reinforce gender appropriate leanings. We were
not children encouraged to explore our individual possibilities.
Instead, often times, our energies or interests were funneled and
re-channeled to remain in sync with our blue or pink labels, which
had never felt really blue or pink to us in the first place.
Many people
with bodies like ours have synchronized their biology and gender
in ways that are individually comfortable and compatible, and realistically
that is what every person ~ regardless of their body~ should do
for themselves. But this evolution is so much more difficult for
many of us because our chemistry, emotions, capabilities, and physical
attributes are not so concisely male or female. In continuance of
the suppressive and familiar teachings of our youth, we may end
up feeling ashamed when we are not being a feminine woman or a masculine
man. We may put intense pressure on ourselves to fit into places,
sometimes not understanding why, but knowing that it just doesn't
feel quite right.
When people
with bodies like ours are allowed the freedom to create our
own individual balance by having the bodies we were born with nurtured
with acceptance and not condemnation, our gender will evolve and
be celebrated, which is as it should be.
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