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Adults
As an infant's
genitals are being scrutinized, it is difficult for parents
and medical professionals to think of that child as growing into
an adult sensual being. The thought process is simply that these
genitals are too severely misshapen for that child to feel and be
either a boy or a girl, and subsequently grow into a male or female.
There is also concern for the parents and caregivers, as medical
professionals believe that bonding will be negatively affected if
there are visible reminders of atypical genitalia. Parents are encouraged
to consent to these surgeries before their baby reaches the age
of two so that there is no memory of difference or surgical trauma
for the child.
In the last
50 years, most adults who were born with atypical genitalia
underwent a variety of early genital plastic surgeries. Many of
us had further surgeries to correct the corrections. Some bodies
like ours require additional surgery, such as vaginoplasty, at the
onset of puberty or sexual activity. It was not unusual for us to
undergo surgeries without explanation, as keeping us uninformed
was thought to benefit our acceptance of self.
While adults
with bodies like ours have been secretive about our true feelings,
that is more than understandable when viewed within the historical
context of the shame and secrecy surrounding early genital surgeries.
We don't easily outgrow the feelings of being different and alone.
Many of us have murky, vague recollections of things being done
to us, but have suppressed these traumatic childhood memories. What
we DO remember is that there were always lots of people looking
at our "private parts". We remember people talking about
us, but not to us. As everyone was chanting, "You're fine,
you're normal," we instinctively knew we were not. We were
not normal or average or fine, and to prove it we never ever knew
of another with a body like ours.
Any childhood
disease that requires hospitalization, invasive procedures and
surgeries result in emotional and psychological trauma for that
child. While children born with a heart problem or other illness
over the past 50 years were allowed and encouraged to talk openly
about their feelings, often children with bodies like ours were
not. Society didn't talk about genitals and it certainly didn't
discuss different looking genitals. The inability to discuss bodies
like ours also discouraged our individual ability to accept the
very real trauma we suffered as children.
As emerging
adults, we only try to blend in. Clothed we appear normal. We
aspire to be normal. Our sexual coming of age is a land mine of
vulnerability, fear, shame and self doubt. How is it that one learns
to be intimate with another if they can't and won't talk about their
body? As teenagers in the 1970's, '80's and 90's we often were either
reclusive or promiscuous. We didn't talk about our bodies or our
feelings with family, friends or psychological counselors. We wanted
so desperately to fit in, we didn't say anything to anyone. Our
lovers and spouses ~ those who knew us best ~ often weren't allowed
into the secret realm of bodies like ours.
To read personal
stories from adults with Bodies Like Ours, click
here.
Parents
| Teens
| Adults
Our Stories
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