I was 44 before I found out what my body contains and what kind of intersex I am. I had no surgery. I've been on hormones since I was a teen. I was assigned as if I were female but raised as if I were male starting in toddler hood because I called myself a boy. I've never felt dysphoric about my gender. I'm not what someone else thought I should be. I'm just what I am.

My parents weren't told much about what I was, just that my genitals were ambiguous and they thought it might have been the progestin they had prescribed for my mother before and into her pregnancy. My parents thought this meant my penis didn't completely develop, my urethra didn't seal, and that I had no testes. I always thought I was an unfinished male. Turns out I'm XX, have a vagina that was collapsed, closed over and a little short, but healthy and is now opened. Do I have a tiny penis or a big clit? They're just variations on a single theme anyway. HA! It blew me away. Physically I'm the opposite of what I thought I was. It changes nothing really; I'm the same man I was. I just know more about my body now. I also know I'm not an inadequate male. I'm not male at all. I'm not female either. I'm intersexed. That set me free to be what I am rather than constantly apologizing for what I'm not.

So, did I transition in babyhood? If an intersexed person is assigned a gender, that assignment turns out not to match their identity, and they transition, how much different is that from transsexuals or the transgendered? There are blokes you can poke, there are chicks with dicks..... trans, intersex....are we talking different species here, or just cousins? Is the difference in the starting point? We have the physically male, female or intersexed force fed a gender that doesn't fit so they assume the gender that does fit. That happens a lot. But wait a minute! The brain is part of the body and the mind resides in the brain. Gender identity takes place between the ears, not the legs. We know that there are differences between male and female brains. That's even taught in High School Biology now. We know that transsexuals, gay men and lesbian's brains are more like the "opposite" sex so does that mean that the organ of intersex for them is JUST the brain? From what I've been reading fetal exposure to testosterone, or lack of it, or inability to respond to it, is ultimately what virilizes the brain and/or rest of the body. The default is female. Male is an add-on and different quantities of testosterone at different times is what ultimately does the trick. Maybe that testosterone came from mom, or a drug mom was on, or your testes, or your adrenals, or maybe you didn't get it because you're XX, or you got it but can't process the hormone, or you're XXY and that short circuited the system, and on and on ad nauseum. In the end the effect of it or lack of effect of it has an impact on all human fetuses creating a vast array of sexual differences. Some of them are just garden variety males and females.

SOOOOOoooooo..... I can't help but wonder if intersex doesn't encompass every form of gender variance from sexual orientation to hermaphrodism. Maybe people with really big clits or really tiny penises are marginally intersexed. Australia passed a statute saying that transsexualism is to be legally treated as a form of intersex. Some people argue that Hypospadias is not intersex. Some people argue that the ONLY valid definition of intersex is ovarian and testicular tissue in the same person and ambiguous genitals aren't inersex. Some people just argue for the sake of arguing. Hmmmm..... it's an interesting mind puzzle, but I have a REALLY IMPORTANT QUESTION TO ASK MYSELF AND ALL THE REST OF US MIGHT WANT TO ASK IT TOO. It is;

"Who is defining us to ourselves and do we really want to continue to let them do that?"

I think it's time we validate each other and reclaim our rightful place at the table of humanity. When we look down on each other arrogantly thinking that one of us is superior to the other what do we think that really says about us? Do we suppose that society will favor "our" group if we disassociate ourselves from other "less favorable" groups? How on Earth can we justify that? Transsexuals looking down their noses at cross dressers, intersexed looking down their noses at transsexuals, macho acting men looking down their noses at effeminate men, certain lesbians declaring trans or intersexed women are "really" men, and straight people declaring us all sick, criminal or deformed.... I hope and pray that every day, every little thing I do, chips away at the walls that divide us. This has been lovely, but now I have to scream.

Reprinted with permission of the author. Originally published in The Empty Closet, a publication of the Gay Alliance of the Genesee Valley, NY

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