Bodies Like Ours - Jon's Story

Years of medical exams, hospitalizations, etc. gave the medical community ample time to note that I was different but I self diagnosed my situation at the age of 49 in July 1999.......then, went to an endocrinologist from the University of Wisconsin to have it confirmed with a karyotype in December 1999. He, in fact, asked a pediatrician to come observe me and while there, told him I was a classic example of gross medical negligence and ignorance. You see, I was 47XXY and severely screwed up. I also had suffered mentally alone thinking I was the only one like this in the world. Suicide was a commonplace thought pattern for me.

I grew up in a severely conservative family. Sex was never mentioned in any way, shape, or form. Ivory soap awaited a tongue that even said the word "butt". In junior high, I was sexually molested by 3 boys for a period of 2 years. I was threatened and saw the consequences of those who told as they molested a few of us. I then had nude swimming in high school. Here I was.....standing in a line of 50 boys who were developing pecs, abs, and increasingly larger penis/testicles and then there was me.......female breasts developing, a micro penis, and non-decending testicles. A year of this hell......and I was set emotionally for life.

I could never understand my intense interest in the male anatomy......and how much I loved boys. As life went by, I just thought I was a freak......a sexual freak.......and, as I looked male, married and have lived as a male. Then, 2 years ago, I watched "Is it a boy? Is it a girl?" and realized, after talking on the phone with Howard De Vore....that I need to live my life unashamed as to what I am/who I am. I have told my wife when we are fooling around how much I feel like a lesbian.

Now, I am seeing a psychotherapist weekly. He believes it will take 2 years to undo a near lifetime of mental neglect/lack of support. Issues such as molestation, suicide, intense self sexual abuse, self degradation, etc. leaves him with many dark issues to overcome. I live in the Chicago area and am seeking to find a doctor in the area........to treat my medical issues but so far, all I hear is "I don't know.......I remember something about that in med school..."