| Jon's Story |
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Jon tells about discovering in middle age the truth that was kept from him in childhood. Years of medical exams, hospitalizations, etc. gave the medical community ample time to note that I was different but I self diagnosed my situation at the age of 49 in July 1999.......then, went to an endocrinologist from the University of Wisconsin to have it confirmed with a karyotype in December 1999. He, in fact, asked a pediatrician to come observe me and while there, told him I was a classic example of gross medical negligence and ignorance. You see, I was 47XXY and severely screwed up. I also had suffered mentally alone thinking I was the only one like this in the world. Suicide was a commonplace thought pattern for me.
I grew up in a severely conservative family. Sex was never mentioned in any way, shape, or form. Ivory soap awaited a tongue that even said the word "butt". In junior high, I was sexually molested by 3 boys for a period of 2 years. I was threatened and saw the consequences of those who told as they molested a few of us. I then had nude swimming in high school. Here I was.....standing in a line of 50 boys who were developing pecs, abs, and increasingly larger penis/testicles and then there was me.......female breasts developing, a micro penis, and non-decending testicles. A year of this hell......and I was set emotionally for life. I could never understand my intense interest in the male anatomy......and how much I loved boys. As life went by, I just thought I was a freak......a sexual freak.......and, as I looked male, married and have lived as a male. Then, 2 years ago, I watched "Is it a boy? Is it a girl?" and realized, after talking on the phone with Howard De Vore....that I need to live my life unashamed as to what I am/who I am. I have told my wife when we are fooling around how much I feel like a lesbian. Now, I am seeing a psychotherapist weekly. He believes it will take 2 years to undo a near lifetime of mental neglect/lack of support. Issues such as molestation, suicide, intense self sexual abuse, self degradation, etc. leaves him with many dark issues to overcome. I live in the Chicago area and am seeking to find a doctor in the area........to treat my medical issues but so far, all I hear is "I don't know.......I remember something about that in med school..." Jon |
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