Quote:
Originally Posted by Priestess
Miriam, how do you know that Princess was loudly demanding entrance to an AIS support group? If you'd ever seen her, you would know that she herself is not a man. She looked more female than Cheryl Chase.
I know that I quietly and politely contacted them simply asking questions about one of the associated conditions their web page implies support for, and was still pushed away. I understand the AIS'ers not understanding non-insensitive folks who might happen to have a uterus and sometimes ovaries yet still set off a y-detector. But if it's AIS only, why not say it? And why support certain selected people who clearly are not AIS?
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Priestess, the first word of the line you are referring to is "If". That being said you hit the nail on its head: it is not important how a person looks like, as long as this person can relate to the stories of the other women, someone may fit perfectly in an AIS support group. I've attended meetings in the Netherlands, France, the UK, the USA and Israel. In all those countries there are members who are not the 'beautiful & tall' women that some people see as the stereotype AIS-girl. Unlike common believe many women with AIS are plane janes and not stunning photo models. It's also not true that only women with AIS can become a member of an AIS support group. I know many women in the groups I just mentioned who have another condition like 17BHSD, 5ARD, Sweyer, Leydig Cell Hypoplasia etc. And it is also not true that only women-born-women can become a member of these groups.
But if you don't fit in... well, then you simply don't fit in. You can't blame other people that they can't relate to your story. That sucks, I know.
The real miracle of a peer support group is that the other people in that group need only half a word to understand what you are talking about. If that miracle isn't working for you, the group is not for you. And similar: if other people feel that they don't understand you, even when you use 50 words to explain what you feel, you have to understand that those people don't belong to your group.
I can only hope you believe me when I say that the fact we have xy-chromosomes is not the real common factor that binds women in an AIS support group. Of course, for people without AIS that is the most 'visible' aspect of AIS. But for women with AIS it is more about how you have to deal with that knowledge.
I don't know what you asked, but I think that it is normal that an AIS support group can't give you much information. Every now and them I get letters from people who think that I'm an medical professional and that I can tell diagnose them with an intersex condition. The AIS support groups work with volunteers. Some of them have an academic degree and others don't. Many of them know a lot about the XY intersex conditions. But you can't expect them to know everything about every possible condition IS or not-IS. The main job of the volunteers is to welcome new members and if there is time left we also try to help other people. So, if you say that feel pushed away, it is quite well possible that nobody knew what to answer. Anyway, I don't feel responsible for what other people with or without AIS did to you. So please don't be angry with me.
Groeten, Miriam