[Kailana]

Ok now i have probably forgotten as i am sure you have told me before how old you are. But i remember the 80's quite well and i suppose was a bit luckier then you. My parents didnt treat me bad then, unless you call being ignored being treated bad, i mean i sure didn't like feeling as though i was worthless in there eyes. Iguess that is just my perception though, My mother was a biut rough until my early teens, when i was old enough to take the belt away from her, well then she left me alone. Not to say that she was abusive, standards back then was alot more open about what abuse is. I actually was spared alot in comparison to some of what my friends had to go through. In all aspects it wasnt too bad, just that my mother tended to have a few episodes that well were a little over the top at times. I tended to get a lot of double standards from my parents. Like my mother would tell me id look good with earrings, then the following week when i asked if it would be ok, she'd chew me out. Telling me that only sissy boys wore them. A month later she'd mention again. Most of my teenage years were like that, Sometimes questions about dresses and skirts, or shoes, once even a pink two-piece skirted swimming suit. I wondered about my mothers motives alot, it wasnt so easy at times, i often felt that she was testing me. Kinda failed though, as i ahave always had those girly thoughts in me. She usually ended up in tears when i would say yes mom id love to try that on.

I actually waited until i was 22 years old before i finally decided to get them pierced, i guess its a way i kinda found some release from constantly questioning what i am. I got alot of crap then, mostly teasing i guess by my parents and some relatives but none of em could do anything then. I have worn earrings for quite a while now. These days the earrings dont bother them, its more the skirts and dresses, well maybe the type of earrings i tend to wear bother them a little. I imagine the hormones are the big concern for them. But then i dont really spend any time with them anymore. One of the reasons why i havent been by in the last month is that i dont enjoy holidays anymore. I kinda wasnt really in a mood to talk to people last month. Holidays are over, my spirits are returning so i should be by a bit more.

This last Holidays, startig with Thanksgiving My father invited me over but made the mistake of telling me "do not to mention your a woman." I told him thank you for inviting me but untill you can understand and accept me i wont be over. He was crying as he left my house. He called again for Christma, same result. I know it is not easy for him, or for my mother, But i am sort of done with all there crap. They either accept me or they dont, i am not taking any more inbetweens or hiding anymore. i am open, when people ask i tell them, unfortunately for me i am extremely stalky, muscular and well hairy, do i care, sometimes, but not really, I am in my 2nd quarter backin school now, an a great many people know i am intersexed, transitioning most seem to be ok with it. Im not harrassed, or openly ridiculed. I might get a chuckle now and then, But thats about all. I have spoken in last quarters human sexuality class and asked to do again this quarter. I rather enjoyed doing so. I see it as a great opportunity to talk about what someone who is I.S. actually thinks about what parents and Doctors have done to them. I get people to think about what it is like be someone who has questionied who they are and is rebuilding what people see.

i know you have had a rather bad year with Doctors Priestess im sorry for that. you like me, think Neko too has had a rough time with Doctors, Some of the newer members post seem to be heading that way too, i am glad to see you have been posting alot. its good to see a common face after my short little hiyatas. I probably spelled that wrong. i do hope things get better, My life seems to be on a good solid footing now. Not perfect by a longshot, but i see a bright shiny light ahead. Lots of answers still missing from my perfect world scenario, but i think i can manage with how well things have been going.
Take care princess, im around from time to time, we share alot in common please remember that, your never alone unless you want to be.