[Kailana]

Hiya Dianne. Id really like to second your thoughts. I have a tendency to really think we are very special people, who have been traumatized often repeatedly by the hands of doctor's, psychiatrists, parents and family.

We are unique variations of humanity that have been hidden away from the world. These days, more and more of us are speaking out. Society, our friends and neighbors, are starting to hear about us. The world is starting to see the trauma we have had to endure. People are starting to understand how we feel about how we have been treated. Alot of our history has been denied to us. But we are trying so very hard to let everyone know, we exist. We are searching for answers, fighting for a place in the world, where we can all be understood, and accepted for who and what we are and not for what Dr's have chosen to make us into without our knowledge or consent.

I have typed so many paragraphs only to delete them all, as i really dont know what i want to say, or dont like what i just typed.

Freedom of information meens so very much to us, the knowledge parents and dr's have withheld from us, just makes it that much harder to feel we are accepted. So many times i keep reading how parents are told not to tell us, about some of the most important things we need to know, Us, our bodies, surgeries, medications, some of which are life saving, some of which can provide improvement in our quality of life, some of which were made specifically for us. Yet its all withheld, without explanations, without having some knowledge of why things were done, why we need these medications, without knowing what we are, has only led to a lot of confussion, stress, depression, anger, resentment, hate, sucidal ideation, loss of family and friends.

Where am i going with all this? Look at it this way, If we are so happy with what has been done to us? if we are so contented with our life? why is it that we have such a high suicide rate? Often leading to multiple hospitalizations, even death. And that is something i fear the Dr's and psychiatrists still wont acknowledge, has been there fault, there decisions, there solutions are killing us.

Generations of us, so lost, confused, so messed up with not knowing about our own bodies,. I have felt so lost, so freakishly abnormal. i've just wanted to die. I am afraid to say some of the things i want too. To let people know, just how bad i have felt about my own body. to let people know what i really think. how bad i hate Dr's, or how bad i hate my parents, how very dissappointed i feel when i think about them. how i honestly feel they dont care for me, they don't really love me. Or the amount of shame i have felt at times with what has been done to me. I know i am not alone with how i think. Yet i am afraid to write more.

I know I have tried often to state i am normal, just different, In all honesty i feel like nothing, im nothing, so very few of the people who should care for me actually do. It isn't a easy thing to live with. I feel as though my parents are ashamed of me, i feel as though i an nothing to them, an abomination, they just cant come to accept and love.

im rambling again, im sorry for that, i think im gonna go and sleep, im sorry if i hit any raw nerves, But i really feel Dr's just don't get it. Or the few who do, don't really comprehend what they have done to me(us).

aplogies again, but my mind is rambling, and im a little depressed at the moment. I want to write so much more, but my thoughts are starting to turn dark. Depression sucks.

im sorry