[Kailana]

wow thats a tough one to answer.

i guess im kind of both. I mean the part about my signature THE SCREAMING BANSHEE, (this is my alter ego, my secret SuperHero Identity)I use to be very confrontational, if i didnt agree with something i spoke out about it. Or i stood up for other people less able to do so. Many times i was told i should become a lawyer. Not to knock lawyers any, but i really thought i would hate that profession.

I guess, It all depends on my mood at the time. Maybe more of a moaner these days. I dont have any of my old self confidence, or at least alot of my self confidence is gone. Its kind of like the old me, has been stripped down, too many times, i dont really think there is alot of me left. I feel like i am all emotions, but the only ones i have access too are the caring ones, which in a way is good, but at the same time is bad. Like i am still compassionate and caring, but i am overly so. And yes i know HRT has some part in all this, but thats not everything, its almost as if there is fear(an overwhelming fear of saying the wrong things or doing the wrong thing) that would give a bad impression of me. I dont really know how better to explain it. I would say i am kinda tired of looking/searching/asking for answers, cause so far trying has really fallen on alot of deaf ears and only made me feel even worse about myself.
example: My psychiatrist is at the conclusion that i am in need of a geneticist, but both my dr's, gp and endo, don't think it will be helpful. In there words "so far none of the scans and tests that have been done have shown any sign of there being anything out of the ordinary"

And for me, It's like will you please just look, stop reading what the radiologists say and look at the bloody pictures that you all made for me, and look at the normal ranges for my lab work, Cause thats really alot of the problem. They just ignore everything and just rely on the radiologysts report. i dont really want to knock my gp and endo, cause they are the first too actually treat me half way descently. But at the same time, even with my so called normal lab work, there are some issues that arent being addressed. They both pretty much treat me ok, just arent really answering any of my questions.