[steve/lisa]

I can see the hurt in your writings,I to have 2 friends that want to help me figure things out.they are both dear to me one in the west and one in the east the west is my oldest friend i hide almost nothing from her even tho I feel a little strange talking to her about everything i think,I fear she would not understand all of what i think at times but am probly wrong on that but i knew her as a guy she was a lover of mine and i never forgot her and talk often to her,But i fear she would not understand me now as i am now not then.the other in the east is a sweety too,I would be their in a min if she said so she knows it all,Who,what,and why I am the way I am,And what i am inside and she says she'ed take me as both or as eihter one,But I am also fearful after what my ex has done to me,Mentaly I must recoop from my mess.(should have never told her my wife or ex tobe)about what I am whats left of me,and what I want to be.I am glad you support your friend I wish I had some one like you looking for answers trying to understand him looking at the whole pic,not just whats in front of you.Being like this is at best a roller coaster at times,I have wonderful days and then for some reason i have a really bad week,Almost always around that time of the month like now it sucks,I remember yrs ago when I was at the med center getting tested and the nurses would come in and see if theirs anything they can do for me,Their was one that used to talk to me about the tests she was really interested in them she asked very shy almost if she could ask me how i felt knowing this about myself she said It must be hard to find out this without ever knowing it befor,yes it was most of the time i was in kinda shock,and as days went on she'ed come in my room and jokingly say (i said it was fine to say it to me then)god honey you'ed look great with a little makeup on,I just excepted it as it seemed funny then but i do look great with it on?I think about this stuff often now as lisa is a big part of me now,I remember after the bone marrow recovery it hurt so bad i thought it would never go away she'd come in and put ice packs on my hip for me and just talk to me.It is a confussing time for me to remember this but as time went on i ajusted to the new me,as he will to (findinghope how long has he known of this) For in time he will ajust to and with hope he won't fear it or you,for some times for some me included for a friend to know to much can be as bad as not enough.I hope he does not start to fear you.In my world I would just like to know for shure that my friend would be their for me and that it does'nt matter what i am or what i become.I am still the same one inside,just let him know this,(What type is he I myself am a true herm (chimera)if he just found out its hard if he grew up with this well not much better i guess.)anyway tell your friend about this site some times we as a group can help each other out more than the best of friends can.I know this cause i to am knew here and the one's here have been wonderful to me its really important to have some place to go that you don't offend the one's their and they live it to so this is a great place to download yourself.
Without being judged like the normals do to me the hate is mind boggling to me the fear is strange to me and at times scary down right fearful.For me anyway if you ever need help just leave a post some one will answer it very soon and it may be what you need to help him,good luck Findinghope as may the stars bless you for this you do for another.Love Lisa