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Hi pam,
i dont know what is or is not the right way to raise a child like your daughter all i know is the peices my parents were able to do for me, and the elements of my rearing which really helped me to deal with the challenges ofmy genetic predisposition. a few of the most important things that were done for me are as folows:
1. give your daughter access to a psychologist with experience in intersex conditions, even if she doesnt want to go or if they talk about toast, i can not tell you how much the ability to oppenly discuss myself and my medical history helped me to accept myself. this is especially crucial as she enters puberty or approaches major surgeries
2. be sure to be open but nont explicite with her about her own history, dont tell her too young and certainly not late in life, i got it piece by piece from around 14 on, this seems to have worked, but be sure to make it a process of discovery, dont flood her with informations.
3. always understand just how major this is, dont underestimate the importance of it for your daughter and let her react to it as she needs too, never expect a quick fix or for her to get oevr it. my mother made this mistake and its really hard not to be mad at her for this.
4talk to your doctors and find out about the limitations your daughter can expect in life and customize how you rear her to fit, for example at 2 hours old my parents were told i would never have children, they raised me filling my head with ideas of how great addoption was, i never even knew it wasnt my own clever idea untill last year (i am in my mid 20's now) and always just knew thats what i wanted to do because it seemed right to me.
good luck and sorry if i sound wierd, i like lists. i think it is really amazing you are doing all this for your daughter, she is a lucky lucky girl
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