newbie

[RGMCjim]

I didn't need a birth certificate to get a social security card, a drivers licence, a marriage licence or to adopt. I'm 49 years old and back then you only needed a birth certificate if you wanted a passport. My parents tried several times when I was young, and so have I to get my birth certificate changed but so far I've gotten no where.
When I was born I had ambiguous genitals. In 1957 the only way to figure out what I had inside was exploratory surgery and this was before anesthesia was good enough to use on babies, even if my parents would have submitted to it (they wouldn't). My parents told me that they put "female" on my birth certificate because I didn't have testicles, but that's not something I was told about until I was in High School. They were told I might actually be male but things might become more clear as I grew. In toddlerhood I looked like a boy, people called me a boy, and I called myself a boy. My parents figured it was a better match. The pediatrician told them it was important for everyone to be happy. My parents weren't looking at my genitals to tell them if I was a girl or boy because they looked "in between" and my Doctor had told them it wasn't an accurate way to tell on me. They were looking for other signs and those all pointed toward boy. I grew up very happily as the oldest brother of 3 brothers and countless neighborhood boys who all played at our house because my father made us the coolest jungle gym out of scavenged boiler pipe using his welding set. I was told my penis and testicles didn't "finish" growing so I looked different from other boys and couldn't have children when I grew up.
I had no reason to think I might have female organs inside. I didn't have a female puberty, and my vagina was closed over so not I or any of my sexual partners ever knew it was there. It's not like having those things inside me had any impact on my life as a man. Discovering my vagina didn't make me feel like a woman, just like a man with a vagina.
The craziness that many other intersexed people have been victim to didn't happen to me and I'm a whole lot better off than many because it didn't.

Jim

[rahul200791]

hello! i am from india and my symptoms are same as yours i want to talk to you share my views plz contact me

[RGMCjim]

Rahul,

Which one of us did you want to contact you?

Jim

[short311fan]

whelp, finally went into the lab today to start tests, they took the hormone tests and i have to give a, erm, *cough*sample*cough*cough*, doing that in the morning, finally gonna get the ball rolling on all this, been procrastinating for two weeks on that, wife is finally gently kicking me in the rear so i'll get it done..... just nervous, it's like, i have to know, but at the same time, i'm scared of what i'm gonna find out, it's like opening Pandora's box..... also found out i have tendonitis in my left wrist, which would explain the numbness and pain i get if i play guitar or drive for too long, so i got a nice brace for that that i've been putting up with for two weeks..... fun and interesting times afead, i suspect

[Priestess]

Good luck. Let us know what they say. Hopefully you won't get doublespeak.

[short311fan]

had to postpone the lab trip due to weather, we got buried here in michigan, Buffalo's got nothing on us! lol! so, moved to tomorrow morning, just glad it'll be over soon.....

[short311fan]

called the doc today to get my lab results, they mailed the details to me, but on the phone they were able to tell me that both the hormone test and the "sample" came back "highly abnormal"..... almost said "umm, duh!" to the nurse, but held my tongue, lol..... so, back to the doc next friday for round 2of testing, whatever that's gonna end up being..... on one hand, i'm elated, because i'm finally getting to the bottom of what's up with me, but on the other hand, i'm now scared to death, as if i just opened Pandora's box or something..... ah well, i'm getting answers, and that's what's important, right?

[Dianne]

Originally Posted by short311fan

I'm now scared to death, as if i just opened Pandora's box or something..... ah well, i'm getting answers, and that's what's important, right?

I just went back and re-read the entire thread (to refresh my memory) and I will say this about "answers" - they don't always make things easier.

I was put up for adoption as a boy and my adopted parents tried to raise me as a boy - bad idea! - didn't work - LOTS of conflict. I spent the first 40 years of my life thinking I was a MtF transsexual with some "hormone issues" (never had "male puberty", modest female development) but being from a small rural town (country quack doctor) and poor, the "problem" was never investigated. To make a long story short, when I was 40, I met my birth mother and, with what I learned, pieces started falling into place and a lot of the weird stuff from my childhood and adolescence started to make sense. (I wont go into details - long story)

I can not describe how incredibly ANGRY I was! Even 17 years later I get so angry I start to shake! (It is a good thing I never met Dr. John Money when he was alive - I might be doing "25 to life" for Murder 2!) I was/am angry about being lied to by people I trusted, about having things hidden from me "for my own good" while I was tearing myself up inside trying to figure out 'whats wrong with me?', for my medical problems being ignored so I wouldn't find out the truth. In some ways, I think I was better off thinking I was a MtF. (The only "good" thing is that at least NOW I am being treated to prevent further bone density loss from life-long low hormone levels.)

Are "answers" the most important? I don't think so. What is most important is your medical health and emotional happiness. I wouldn't say "Ignorance is bliss" but I would say that answers can really throw a monkey wrench into things.

Keep us posted on how things go. We care and we are always here to talk.

(I wish this forum was around years ago when I was trying to come to terms with everything!)

[short311fan]

that's the main reason i'm trying to get those answers, is to help prevent any possible health problems that might arise. as far as being angry, and answers causing more emotional pain, ya know, when i first started looking into "what's wrong with me" over two and a half hears ago, yeah, i was hurt that potentially my parents may have hid all this from me for my entire life and that this all may have been somewhat avoidable. but at the same time, i'm over it, not ecause they did what's best for me or whatever, because they didn't, but because it's in the past and those are things i can't change, those events can't be altered, and the scars left from all those emotional wounds will fade someday. as far as that idiotic dr. money, i gotta agree, someone should have.... nah, i won't say it! lol!

are a lot of the weird things from my own childhood beginning to make sense? sure. is it re-opening old wounds? absolutely. but at the same time, a lot of those old wounds were never closed, because they were never really resolved, because i never really had the "why" or the "because" that hopefully some of what i'm learning now can fulfill.

don't get me wrong, i agree completely that sometimes answers can cause more pain than good, but at the same time, i gotta know who, or what, i am.....

i'm here for you's guys too, ya got that? huh? huh? do ya? lol! rock on.....