Self knowledge

[Peter]

Misae sama, as you use the honorific term "sama", I guess that you might be Japanese. The intersex organization know as the Intersex Initiative, which has a Internet website, has members that speak Japanese, and it also has members in Japan. You might want contact them about getting support for your sister.

Peter

[Kailana]

That is kind of a bad title, what i mean is, if she knows allready that some things arent happening, the normal cycles of female developement/maturation aren't occuring, she is going to seek answers on her own, possibly with a doctor who has no knowledge of her medical history. And when she does, she may get incorrect information, or be in a state of serious depression just waiting for answers that she will not understand easily.

What i see so far is that she is a she, your sister, regardless of what she has. I think you might ask Miriam for a bit more advice. She has a great deal of understanding, talk to her.

Now then, from my perspective, your sister is going to eventually find out. If your not aware of this, i mean when she goes to the doctors. When she starts looking for answers and they are slow in comming. Then there may be some serious depression, possible suicidal thoughts. If she is alone when this happens you may lose her. I don't think your parents are thinking about all the possibilities, of what may happen when she finds out the truth. I tend to think it is a great deal better if your entire family tells her now. I think she is allready wondering, If you all keep this from her for much longer, it is going to turn out badly. That is something i really fear for you and your family.

I believe you mentioned that you don't live all that close to her. Another cause for worry to me. I know i have spent a great deal of time, isolating myself from family, even friends, feeling like i am not even human. I really hate saying that, but when i was in my darkess moments, i felt lost, betrayed, almost as if i was nothing, and didn't deserve to live, as a consequence i attempted suicide twice, and fortunately lived.

You do not want that to happen to your sister, it may never happen, she may be a great deal stronger then i am. i hope that she is. i hope that your there when this happens. What i am saying, is that she is going to find out, sooner or later, I believe it's going to be alot sooner then you and your family may be prepared for. That is what worries me most. If you are too late, if you keep this secret for too long, There is a high probablity that your going to lose her.

Talk to you parents, they need to understand, that for anyone with a condition that is disturbing, hard to accept, surprising, it can be extremely detrimental to a persons pshyche. There own identity can get lost in depression and worse. Normal thinking patterns change when depressive, things like suicide, self harming, harming others, odd thoughts that would normally never happen or occur, do with traumatic information. I believe that finding out your IS, is perhaps one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. I know there are many others who post here who feel the same way.

i don't know what else to say, other then perhaps talk to your family before your sister, you all need to get together and talk about this openly. If your parents still feel that it is best to not tell your sister, then ask them why, and let them know she is going to find out. And repeat alot of what i typed above. Because she is going to find out, if your family truely cares for her, they need to be there when she does. If they aren't there, if they aren't willing to help her understand that she is there daughter, that she is a girl regardless of what her chromosomes say, and that they love her, if they arent willing to share there own knowledge, or even that of what dr's advised them to do. Then your sister is going to have a lot harder time, feeling she is accepted, loved and cared for.

I almost feel lost now with what to say. Please be carefull, i see a dark future ahead for you and your family. She needs to be told, before she finds out from a Doctor who doesnt know about her, your family. if she doesnt go to a Dr. who has knowledge about her, it is going to turn out bad for you all. She needs to be told before she seeks answers on her own.

A lie no matter how good intended is still a lie, it hurts, it destroys, it confuses, and it shatters all trust.

[Misae]

A telephone call did not go well.

[Kailana]

Misae please becarefull, as i am assuming the phone call was with parents? at least i really hope it was with your parents rather then your sister.

You might want to give your parents time too, or just wait a bit longer. Maybe not tell your sister untill you hear that she is going to dr to find out whats going on. That might be the time to talk with your sister.

Im really not sure how much other advise i can off, as i really don't know your family. I do hope that amongst all the things i say you take time to think about this for yourself. I guess what i am saying is that my own personal beliefs put me in an open, position, i care much more for honesty. And am very angry over secrets being kept from me. That is my history, by ethics,, my beliefs, others are not so judgemental, and well honestly not as angry about what has been done to them.

please take care. Best wishes.
ps you can always send a pm if u want a little more privacy.

[Misae]

From developments of since thursday, my mother, the desperate housewife that she is, has won this round. It did not take much for her to convince my sister to avoid contact with me. She has never cared as much about me as I her. It would be nice if family was a bond for good.

Miriam san, my sister's condition would be enough to gain her membership in the Aissg, though not a complete case of cais. As would my condition, as it turns out. There is just a great difference in our maturity levels.

I am tired of hiding truth in an illusion, it feels like a lie even if it technically is not. And the new members are not as interesting or talkative as I had hoped.
So goodbye again. I should suffer from my aldosterone-poisoning in privacy.