Newbie..confused mom looking for info.

[apple]

It isn't about gender anyway! It is about the right of the child to decide if they want their sex irrevocably changed or not.

It is not an emergency, and the surgery is not even medically necessary.

Surgery is being proposed, without the child's consent, because the medical establishment has decided it is best for the child. Yet how can unnecessary surgery performed solely to decide the sex of the child, without the child's consent, be about anything but pleasing the sensibilities of the doctors and parents involved? They can all lie to themselves all they wish. But it remains that and that alone.

My mother made the decision in my case. She in fact pushed hard for it against medical advice at the time, and she even had to find a private surgeon willing to do her will. Even when very young, I always answered "no you don't", whenever my mother told me she loved me, and I didn't know why until later when I found out what had done to me at her will. It was also then I knew why I had always been so unhappy and felt all alone in that house.

Children are not mere property. They are not farm animals for you to do this or that to. Children are human beings, with a God given right, to self determination and bodily integrity. Claiming that doing such a thing to a child is about the child's welfare, is not only patently absurd it is really and truly criminal, and it should be against the law.

Now as for gender being merely an unreal abstract concept, not inborn at all, and children can be raised as either sex. Well that is what John Money said, and may he burn in hell.

[peaceandparty]

i think that is a very valid point

i had a mother that made damn sure that the doctors didnt mess with my mothers wise and natural feeling for what was needed to be checked out
she asked me whether i would consider taking testosterone
gave me all the pros and cons
my mother pushed a lot and took a lot of crap from doctors

the simple fact of the matter is that
each child that has grown up by being cut or sewn is irreversibly scarred
i was not ,thankfully,born that way to be then raped of parts of my personality and my own body just so as i would conform into the two available sexes
i was born as an xxy
therefore automatically positioning myself in the line of fire for the rest of my life as i try and teach an un-knowing world.....an un-knowing world??----or----an ignorant selfish stuck on stereotype images world ,a world that covers up truths with lies that cause ruptures in the heart of family ties and that choose in an almost hitleresque way,how our children are meant to be born
and if children and when the next child of parents is born our way
will they equally not be allowed grow up equally?
will they be always forced to choose left wing or right wing
pink or blue
black or white
good or bad
we all have all of the above
we all have different amounts of this that and the other
and its TIME
for the medical establishment to take responsibility now
for the mistakes of the past
for the secrecies that have been digested and ended up rotting away the minds and ultimately souls of the ones that were let live as they were born
freaks-no!
different-yes!
hugely different-no!
excellent human beings that each deserve a life as we were born and be accepted by an already challenged world----yes!i said yes!i said yes!-james joyce

[peaceandparty]

what are the emotions each feels as we are here looking at the thread?

i sense that everyone at least feels a little bit of.....
anger
resentment
a sense of release
a feeling of not being listened to yet!
shock
rage

i think rage is very important to express
the best way so as to try not to offend too many

anyway
how do you all feel......i would really like to know!?

peace-gavan

[Kailana]

Gaven there are so many different emotions that i have run through reading and posting how i feel in Lucky moms thread. Throughout most of it at the end of each night, i just feel worn out. Tired of trying to inform a mother with a beautiful child of just how bad things can get, not because her child is intersexed, but because her child is intersexed and she and her husband are about to make the same mistake that has ruined so many of our lives. It's not society that is cruel to us. It is the Dr's, the surgeons, the psychiatrists that make our lives hell. Parents unwittingly fall into the category of being one of the conspirators in a huge web of lies, deciet, betrayal, and well what ever other nasty dishonest word i can think of. Unfortunately for me, i do blame my parents, and they know very well that i blame them. Perhaps if they, my parents, had any sense of decency and been open and honest with me, i would not feel this way. However, my parents, arent open and honest. They aren't kind, they don't show any sign of having any understanding of what they have put me through.

In the end, what it all comes down too, is that the people who are suppose to love and accept me most, don't, and never have. There too caught up in what other people will say.

[peaceandparty]

hi...i am really enjoying talking to you
its fascinating to really talk with people who talk my language
my own xxys dont seemingly speak like me much
i have always felt intersexed...with or without knowing about ks

i have often felt exhausted with trying
like the last few months-playing music and enterztaining has been really difficult for me
i am mentally down
am lonely also because i had had support on xxytalk
and they pulled the oxygen mask away from my mouth

i agree that mostly "professionals"
are the ones getting away with murder
parents...are like anyone
they trust whole-heartedly, doctors

doctors have scared us into thinking we have been many things in the past and then they and we learn that we didnt have anythibg like they described

doctors are gamblers
they place their bets and they lose nothing really
reputation as a doctor is not that important
there are so many people getting messed up by doctors ...as we speak
and the doctor will get paid,and the patient may leave without a clue

we need to do somethinbg abouzt that
doctors need to be educated by us about what we are and how we feel

remember there is many types of intersex out there
but we can all say that we are a middle sex/gender
in some way or another

[peaceandparty]

dont give up....anyone on our ultimate aim

better understanding in the future

for all types of people

[coldsaint]

I've been following this thread, wishing I could post. Beating my hands against the monitor. Seems my verification email got filtered.

I kinda fear Luckymom has been scared off but I will just say this:

As someone who had to hide their genitals for the first part of their life( not from a feeling of displacement - from their being under-formed) it really isn't a medical emergency. Not at all.

Is there a lot of shame, yes, Is it hard? yea.
But you know what I'm stronger for it and I certainly didn't hate my mother. Far from it she is now keen to help me find answers.


Do you want your kid to end up as "bitter" as those encountered here? You know it can happen. Gonna risk it all on a cosmetic change? Their bitterness is justified, make no doubt.

[prince....ss?]

Welcome to BLO Coldsaint.

I also fear that luckymom has been scared off. I’m sad that the most important avenue for information is not available to her. We are all her child and we all know how it was growing up and what we are left living with.

Your lucky( you know what I mean) that you were left alone and that you don’t hate your mother. Yes there is lots of bitterness and anger and it’s difficult to get over when it affects every part of your life every day. I try to tell myself that it is all a case of the grass being greener on the other side of the fence. But the reality is it’s not greener over there, just different. So if you have an intersex condition or not, life is difficult.

I’m glad you’re now able to post. Feel free to tell us more about yourself and your thoughts.

[coldsaint]

"We are all her child"

Very well said Prince....ss? and thank you for the welcome.