New Member Wanting to be there for Friend

[FindingHope]

Hi, I have been searching for months for a website like yours and I feel that I have found a great place for finding support, advice and information. I am not intersexed but have become very good friends with someone who is. We met almost a year ago and through emailing we both opened up to each other about deep things in our heart, mine a rape and his discovery of recently putting two and two together that he is intersexed. We so trust each other and are there for each other. We have met personally twice and many great things have come out of it. He is really struggling with dealing with something that he thinks about daily yet feels he can't be free to just be himself. Yet the times we have been together, we both have felt things that we have never felt before in being 'free' to express our true selves. I totally accept him for who he is. He knows that, but he is still struggling to just accept himself. I know that it is not something I can do for him except to remind him that I am there for him no matter what. He knows very little from his family as they refuse to tell him the truth -- just that he is special. He has tried to get his early medical records, only to find them missing or very vague. His mom told him that he had a decended testicle that needed surgery. He remembers seeing pictures of himself in a dress and his mom being in distress anytime he did anything considered to be female. He has never taken drugs for hormone purposes. He is tall, very athletically built, so in appearance looks very male. Yet inside he struggles not so much with wanting to be a girl, but that he has thoughts of being like one. He dreams most of the time as though he is. I asked him about changing genders and he said that he feels that isn't his issues, he loves female companionship including sexually, doesn't have ANY desire to be with a male. So he gets depressed and frustrated trying to put the thoughts all together. I care for him deeply, but having been married 4 times - he feels it has a lot to do with trying to figure out who he really is. I feel that he now at least knows and am hoping that he can now live life the way he feels is most comfortable, accepting who he is. He said he didn't know how to do that, and how can one being in his situation. Please help me to help him. I don't care he is considered different by the labels society has placed on his diagnosis. I have a special needs child and know what it is to want someone to be accepted for who they are. We live far away from each other. I do some work for him in helping him start a new business. We talk on the phone, email and I want to talk more and email less because it seems to be an easy escape for him when he wants to 'run'. Tonight we had a great talk and he thanked me for sharing my thoughts. How do I keep him moving towards wanting a life thAt doesn't have to be miserable and hopeless. I want him to live the rest of his life finding peace so that he doesn't have to feel this way anymore and to trust that I will not walk away.