Hi Everyone

[Shenurse]

Hello all,
I am new here and not sure what to say except hello, and introduce myself as a 40 y/o CAIS female.
I have not really done a great deal of reaching out to others in my situation and spent a great deal of my life in denial about my condition. Often i would fake normalcy with my friends, especially during the party years of my life. Even going so far as to act like i had one night stands and that i preferred that over relationships. I never out and out lied, i just let others assume. When i was 33 i read a magazine article that confirmed my diagnosis and i went to the library and spent hours on the computer researching it and crying. Something in me died that day, and i lost my joy for life that i had always had. I am feeling a rebirth of a new me, who wants to feel joy and live, and not be defined by something that is not even anyones fault.
I lost my father earlier this summer, I watched lung cancer steal away his exuberant joy for life over a years time. It hit me for real, that we all only get one go around, and that i am wasting mine being upset about something that cannot be changed.
So i guess i thought of things to say after all.
My hope is to meet others like myself that i can talk to and commiserate with in a way that i cannot with my friends.
Thanks for listening!!!

[Kailana]

hiya shenurse, i jus wanted to say how sorry i am to hear of your fathers passing. That is a hard thing to go through. Another is the verification of a diagnosis. Were you told beforehand that you were CAIS? I kinda dont really trust to much what people read in magazines, at least for a diagnosis. Then again, i was 22 when I was diagnosed, but then again, that diagnosis has been denied by all my medical professionals for 14 years now, untill just recently that is. I do understand what it is like, denial, shame, afraid to talk to people, meet people, not really sure if your a man or a woman, constantly questioning what i am, you are does really cloud the mind with alot of self-doubt. Perhaps your new found resolution to open up, might prove helpfull in finding your way. Oh, and dont worry should you stumble, a resolution is just a thought one wishes to fullfill. If you fall down a few times on your way to making that resolution come true, well just call them learning experiences and keep plodding on your road of self discovery.

By the way I have absolutely no idea what any of that means. Just sounded good to me at the moment. making is simple--->KEEP TRYING

[tinytool]

Welcome to BLO and just remember your not alone.

[JOS]

Welcome to BLO

I'm also a CAIS woman... I'm so impressed that you're managing to try and get something positive out of an unhappy experience. You're so right, we don't have forever in this world so we have to at least keep trying.

I don't mean to pry but have you looked at your medical notes or something because apart from the osteoporosis risk there's also the risk that your testes are still insitu. One of mine was missed and it was found to be malignant when finally discovered.

take care
Jos

[Shenurse]

Thanks so much for your nice notes.
I should clarify that i did have my surgery at age 2, and started on HRT at age 13, it just was not until i was 33 and reading that magazine that i realized that my condition had a name and that others had this condition as well. We never really talked about it at home, and whatever my mother told the doctors got my HRT, she was told alot of lies and half truths,( she was told that i had hernias and my reproductive organs were mangled to the point they could not be repaired, and some doctor told her a theory that there was a twin who died in early development, in utero and that i took over some of his living organs...wow, what a bunch of BS) i am sure by well meaning healthcare providers who were not sure what to say. So i lived a life of denial for years, faking normalcy, dating until it got to the intimate stage, letting my party friends assume i was having one night stands, I always knew i was different, but i always knew not to talk about it.
I am sure that everyone in my boat has some similar experiences.
Anyhow, thanks for the nice notes and i look forward to meeting up with you all on this board.

[steve/lisa]

shenurse,just to inform u about the B.S. part of ur post it can and does happen to us as humans under the right circumstances it also has a name to it, as I am A chimera one from two zygotes one male and one female in my case and I have others like me,we r of course rare but we can still vote so please don't rule this out till u know more about it,If u r interested in finding more out send me an e-mail from here and we can talk more about it,O.K.
But u r right in living a fun and exciting life as we only come around once so injoy it while u can.Anyway I'll sign off now ...Lisa...