If you are parent, family or friend of an intersex child please respond to this plea for us all to get our children together so they may know they are not the only people in the world that are intersexed. My granddaughter is 4 and the light in my life so I want her to be happy and well adjusted. I firmly believe that ALL intersex children have the need and the right to meet other children like themselves. Why couldn't we all get together and have some kind of conference where we bring the kids and they can play and get to know each other while the adults figure out a way to continue this contact. I will be happy to work with anyone who has some interest in making this happen. We owe it to our kids!

I look forward to hearing from LOTS of people.

Anita

Hi Anita,

First I want to say I think you are a wonderful to show such concern for the wellbeing of your granddaughter. I know it would have made a world of difference in my life if as a child my parents would have been honest with me and accepting of me instead of viewing me as a freak. As an adult I have only met one IS person and I treasure my friendship with her. When we arranged to meet up, neither of us knew what the other looked like. When our eyes met we both knew instantly who the other was. It was magical, we seem to be able to read each other's energy when others don't.

I have often thought it would be neat as an adult IS to be available to meet with parents of young IS. When they are facing tough decisions presented by doctors they could get some input from someone who has been there. I am afraid to confront my doctor with this as the whole IS thing is still so closeted. As a doctor she secretly treats IS and it might cause her problems I am afraid.

I don't personally know about any IS children to refer you too. Though I wonder that one of my cousin's sons might be IS. He has facial features both masculine and feminine. Heck he has almost same face as me! And he has big breasts for a boy. Anyway if any parents or docs want to talk with me I am open to the possibility.

Take care!
Angela

Thanks so much for your post. I agree that it would be very helpful if new parents had someone to talk with besides the doctors. I truly do not know what we would have done if it had not been for Cheryl Chase and ISNA! We didn't even know there was such a thing as intersex so we started out to educate ourselves. This was 4 years ago and Cheryl put us in touch with many different people to talk with as we were trying to decide wheather or not to have *any* surgery done. We listened to everyone, including the doctor and a psychologist experienced in helping IS children then made the decision to have *some* surgery but not a complete remaking of her genitals. So far we haven't regretted it but we do know that the time may come when we wish we had not. We are at a quandry as to how to tell her that she is different. We talk about it in front of her so she will not feel like she needs to be ashamed but at this age who knows what she does and does not understand. Obviously when she starts asking we will answer all the questions. The thing that scares us is that she won't ask. She keeps unpleasant things to herself and doesn't want to talk about them. We are working VERY HARD to get her to understand that it is ok to get mad, to feel hurt, to feel sad, etc. We tell her it's important to share her bad feelings also because sometimes when someone says or does something that hurts our feelings they didn't really mean for it to do that so when we tell them how we feel they can fix it and not do that thing again. I was very happy the other day when she DID share that she was mad at her mommy and daddy for fighting. I then explained to her it was ok to be mad at them for fighting and told her that wasn't the right way to solve problems but we all did it sometimes when we got mad. I then said to her, "You know when you and Dani (her friend) have a fight?" she said "yes" & I then asked her if she still liked Dani after the fight was over and she said, "yes" again. This gave me the opportunity to tell her it would be ok with her mommy & daddy to that they were just mad at that particular time and that everything would be ok. I then told her she needed to tell her mom & dad how she felt about it and the next time they started to fight to tell them not to do that. She did so too! I felt this was a HUGE breakthrough!

Hiya Anita! Sorry so long in getting to your post again. You know for a fact I am horrible at this....
I often forget to scroll down to tell you the truth to the parenting section.Cant get used to the fact that it is here for us. sorry.
I do not post alot anyway..very lmited time here raising kell alone.

Anyway, Glad to hear from you too Angela.
I am a single mom raising an intersex child. I am also open and honest as Anita is with her grandchild. Kelli knows her WHOLE story now at the age of 9. I told her just this past summer. She had become suicidal and disfunctional in so many things. She preactically asked why she felt so desparate and insited I knew. My only choice was to telll her the whole story whcih i felt she was too young for at age 8. BUT turns out it was the best thing I ever did. She still has many emotional issues and she also has some specila needs (adhd and suffers from depression-maybe bipolar they are saying)....but once she knew the whole truth it made a big difference. She then could validate the feeelings of why she felt different(as she puts it).
I agree with Anita and yourself as well that having others to talk too is sooo very important. She is looking forward to meeting another intersex child. It just gives them a sense of belonging.
I speak publically about kells story and of my feelings as the parent of an intersex child. I have made 2 videos with ISNA and as Anita is--am sooo very grateful for having met Cheryl Chase.
I am so glad that you both are here and that we can all communicate with each other. I alsways state so often
Communication IS the key!
I thank you both for sharing and hope I didnt ramble too long.
I look forward to sharing with you all again soon.
Anita,, resend your personal email to me? thanks hun...
(elefun@mindspring.com) I can be reached by anyone at this email by the way.

__________________
Debbie

Hi Everyone,
I just found this site for parents and it already has been a blessing for me. I too started out with Cheryl Chase and don't know what I would do without her. My child is eleven years old and has never asked questions about her genitalia or her sex assignment. We are struggling with whether or not to tell her or wait until she asks questions. We are supportive of whatever she chooses in life and don't want her to think we were hiding this from her.

Brownie

My daughter and I have tried so hard to get kids together so they know they aren't alone. My graddaughter had one surgery when she was 61/2 mos old and so far she seems ok. She is the coolest kid I've ever seen and *definitely* NOT a girl and NOT a boy. She is this fantastic mix of the two that makes her so unique. My daughter has already told her she had some surgery on her bottom when she was a baby and that's why she has a yearly check up with her doctor to make sure everything has healed properly. The other day she explained to her that she was a little bit girl and a little bit boy and that was just fine that she didn't have to choose. She looked at her mom and said, "So it's ok if I pretend to be a boy and it's ok if I pretend to be a girl?"
My daughter told her yes it was because God made her special and that was exactly how she was. She told her that not many people were lucky enough to be born special. My daughter said she really believed she *got it*. Brownie, my daughter and I belong to a Christian Intersex list on Yahoo and the people there are very good about helping family members solve these problems. That's why we joined so I could have first hand advise from adult interses people. If you or anyone else would like to join just go to Yahoo and go to Christian Intersex and join. It is very private so you can ask very personal questions and get answers from people that truly care. We have people from 25 to 71 yrs old on the list.

Anita,

What a great idea to get everyone together. We live in the Atlanta area and am glad to help. I also wondered if our children could be pen pals with each other. Anything we can do so we don't feel so isolated.

__________________
Brownie

Anita,

Thanks for your reply. My daughter has cloacal extrophy. She has male hormones and a small penal tag but is being raised as a female. We had no part in this decision as she is our foster child and came home at 18 months.
Jasmine is not a girl and not a boy. she is that wonderful mix you talked about.
She is eleven years old and we have always answered her questions openly and honestly. She knows she is different but hasn't asked for the details. Each day I feel more ready to answer those questions and finding this web sight is so encouraging.

Brownie

__________________
Brownie

I totally agree. I would do anything I could to make this happen as well..it is a wonderful idea. We need to set up this support for our children. I have a 3 year old little girl who I was blessed to have come into my life. She has wisdom within that beautiful body and soul of her's that is well beyond my years. I would do anything to help.
Thanks,
Michelle