CAIS woman getting married next month

[Marianne]

Well hey there folks! I suppose I've been searching for a while...or perhaps just trying to gain courage to admit that I am, in-fact, intersex. This site will hopefully be a good place for me to come to terms with my ever changing feelings on the issue. As a CAIS, it's really easy to "forget", you know? I said goodbye to gonads years ago and I suppose the only "male" thing left in me are my chromosomes that read XY...however, I'm getting married next month to a really great guy who knows my situation and never thinks of me as anything but purely female. I must admit I feel lucky and sometimes grateful he feels that way. But why? Why should I feel grateful? I'm an amazing woman regardless of what "syndrome" I have. None the less, it's hard to shake that feeling of shame...as if I'm some abomination against nature who happens to pass for a normal girl. Anyway, I suppose this whole marriage thing has caused some soul searching about these issues and I'd love to hear from others who feel similarly...or have comments on these issues.

Nice to meet you all!

Marianne

[Dianne]

First, congratulations on the upcoming wedding! May you have a great many enjoyable years

None the less, it's hard to shake that feeling of shame...as if I'm some abomination against nature

I know what you mean. I was raised in an inappropriate gender (thank you Dr. Money!) and wasn't able to get appropriate medical help/treatment until I reached legal age.

I didn't think about my medical background very much for 30 years after that. I married (twice) had a great career, lots of friends, and a good social life.

Now I am older (late 50's) and I find myself wanting to be much more open about my medical history. For whatever reason I just feel my friends should know - maybe because it is part of who I am/was - and it leaves me free to rail against infant genital mutilations. I guess I don't care as much now about being seen as "normal" and care a lot more about letting people know about Intersex and raising awareness about the inappropriate treatment many Intersex people are exposed to.

I know that the feelings of shame are WRONG! We did not chose to be physically "different" and we should not feel shame because of it. I guess now I do not feel shame anymore but I will always feel "odd".

[Kailana]

great to see you post Marianne, and nice to see some of us getting hitched. I never really thought of myself as ever getting married but who knows down the road. It is comforting to know, your future hubby is there for you. And why not, you are a woman. not mush else really matters, all that matters is that the person you marry cares for you and treats you right, Good happy wedding. take care

Hi Marianne, I just wanted to say congratulations on your wedding! and I wish you all the best in your future marriage.
Keep enjoying the best of life!
God Bless!
The Prairiecoconut.

[JOS]

Hi Marianne
Congratulations
It's good to hear happy news
I'm CAIS too but I only found that part out relatively recently.
I've known I can't have children since I was 15 so my husband knew that before we even started going out together.
We've been together for over 12years (married for nearly 8yrs)

anyway good luck with all the arrangements... are you going for the whole big dress, big cake, big party or are you planning on keeping it small and itimate?.... exciting

word of caution though, I wish I'd prepared myself a bit more for the inevitable "so when are you going to start having children" question that anyone and everyone feels quite happy to ask..... it just helps if you're ready!!

Jos

[fraulein_Maria]

I said goodbye to gonads years ago

>>> really? *surppressing a bad case of the giggles, inspired by the image of gonads waving back* sorry, i'm incorrigible, i know. <<<

I'm getting married next month to a really great guy who knows my situation and never thinks of me as anything but purely female.

>>> congratulations! <<<

I must admit I feel lucky and sometimes grateful he feels that way. But why? Why should I feel grateful? I'm an amazing woman regardless of what "syndrome" I have.

>>>>> if you ask me, HE'S the lucky one. <<<<<

None the less, it's hard to shake that feeling of shame...as if I'm some abomination against nature who happens to pass for a normal girl.

>>> don't be rediculous. God does not make abominations. We are, as we are created... and that's a wonderful thing. and at least you pass for a normal girl I'm a XX who stopped trying to pass years ago! I've settled for being sexy at least, and gorgeoous at best. <<<

Anyway, I suppose this whole marriage thing has caused some soul searching about these issues and I'd love to hear from others who feel similarly...or have comments on these issues.

Nice to meet you all!

>>> Welcome!

[Marianne]

Thanks for all the suport, my friends. Yeah, I feel very blessed and happy. As for the "kids" discussion, I'm 31 now and I'm pretty open about that not being an option. I just explain that I'm immune to testosterone and that caused my reproductive organs to not form correctly. I figure nobody really needs to know anything else besides my husband and myself.

Great to meet you all. Thanks for all the kind words and wishes!

Marianne

[panduwinata]

I just joined, and I just would like to say congratulations on your marriage--
Gee. . . marriage. That certainly sounds fantastic. Still a long way of for me though, since I'm only 23 and looking to build a career first. . .
But a big marriage has always been my fantasy.
Being PAIS instead of CAIS, I'm a bit confused about wearing a wedding dress or a tux, though. . .

[Marianne]

Hahaha...for goodness sake, wear the dress if you get a choice. It's so much more fun to be the bride! I think my fiance wishes he could be the bride.