Well, I just thought I'd post and say hello to everyone out there. To introduce myself, my name is Emily, and currently I'm a student at Florida State University.

Of course it's around these 4 am internet sessions, when I'm just tired enough to start thinking about the "weird" stuff in my life, that the physical difference between my legs comes to mind. I know that when my mom first broke the news to me (about being born without a uterus and having my ovaries removed because they were twisted, or something like that), it didn't really strike me as bad news. At that time all my friends were going through puberty so i thought, "Hey, alright. No shovin tampons up my holiest of holies or havin to deal with the pains of childbirth." I've always been pretty tomboyish so it didn't bother me at all that I wouldn't have to deal with such girly things. It wasn't until I was around 16 that I also found out that I didn't really have a vagina, or at least the hole for intercourse. Everything else seemed to be there, but being 16, and starting to wonder a bit about the sexual arena, I was a little confused. My mom's never really seen it as a problem, rather she just put things right out on the platter: If I ever wanted to have intercourse with a man, I'd have to get surgery for it and all I had to do was let her know when I was ready.

Seemed like a good enough plan, but I've just always wondered about this whole situation. I really hate surgery, I've never been thrilled about going under the knife. I certainly wouldn't be thrilled with the recovery, especially having to let that area heal. And given the fact that I've still hung on to some notion of a higher power despite all my confusion with religion, I've always just wondered if I'm even supposed to have surgery. Or even still, if I was meant to be with a man. Maybe I was made this way because I was, in fact, destined to find my one true love in female form. Truth be told, I really don't know. I don't find myself swaying to one gender or the other right now. I'm not really interested in the whole flirting with guys and oogling over them on campus, and I'm not interested in doing the same with girls. This whole physical predicament that I've been in just has me wondering whether I was meant to go in a specific sexual direction. I don't think I've ever REALLY had a problem with all of it, it's just always had me thinking. I'm bothered slightly by the fact that I can't have my own child, but I'm just as comfortable with the utilitarian aspect of this which is that adoption is saving one more kid from a shitty foster home.

I can't say that I blame you if you've stopped reading a while back. Maybe this post was more for me than for anybody else, but for anybody who did find it interesting, or for anybody who shares the same feelings, please feel free to post any reply that comes to mind. I look forward to participating in the boards and maybe coming to some answers along the way. Take care. :D
-Emily

hi emily welcome, nice people here.... trust me! beach

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Hello Emily. I read your post from start to finish. You are not the only one out there who is not really sure what gender they are, and does not feel the need to gravitate towards one or the other. I never really considered myself to be fully one gender, even though others may. I consider myself to be something in the middle.

I'm glad you don't feel that damn society pressure to be something you are not.

Kind regards.....

Well, in searching the site even further I have to admit that I may have raised even more questions for myself. First and foremost is the terminology. I remember searching about my "condition" about a year back and coming the conclusion that I *most* likely had MRKH, but I was also under the impression that a lot of this was grouped under the main category of "Intersex". Is this a correct assumption? If not, please explain because I'd like to get this right before blabbin off and either make myself look like a fool or worse, offend an Intersexed or MRKH individual.


Also, and I'm sure this question gets asked a lot, but I wonder if anybody has extra information on doctors who know a lick or two about these kinds of conditions. I saw the www.mrkh.org site and noticed two doctors listed, one in Orlando and one in Gainesville, but I guess I've just been under the assumption that there are these types of specialists in most major cities.

Thanks again for any info. Hope everybody has a great day.

Hi Emily! Welcome to our part of the virtual world.

I can get the desire not to be overly labeled. While I'm predominantly male, I get ticked off when people see me doing something feminine, and instantly assume I'm gay. This whole male OR female concept is entirely overrated!

Glenn

Hi Emily,

First off, welcome! Please don't worry about offending anyone. Sometimes we are a mystery, even to ourselves. When we wrote most of the content, we tried to non-condition specific; as a result, it is really best to visit condition specific sites for detailed information. I consider the people living with one type of intersex are really their own experts. I can talk at length about CAH, but don't attempt to talk about specific things or to speak for all people. I can't...no one can.

For MRKH "specialists", mrkh.org is really the best source. Esther is a great person and she devotes a lot of time to make sure the ones she has listed are kind, compassionate, and caring.

Betsy

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Until you've lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was or what freedom really is. --Margaret Mitchell

Betsy, Thanks for the response. Do you happen to have Esther's contact information, or perhaps a Listserv/forum that I might be able to talk to her through? I coudln't find her contact info on the mrkh.org website which is why I ask. I may just be reading right over it so feel free to lemme know if that's the case. Thanks much for the help.



And for Glenn, I know exactly what you're talking about. My gender has always been female, but my father raised me as a little tomboy so now I'm not quite as girly as most. Unfortunately, this is almost a sure fire way for non-friends to automatically assume that I'm a big bad manhating lesbian, which can be really frustrating.

Esther can be reached at info@mrkh.org.

Betsy

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Until you've lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was or what freedom really is. --Margaret Mitchell

Hi Emily! My name is Jules. Welcome!! You know my mom told me the same thing about my ovaries being twisted?? I never had ovaries!! You should talk to other girls that have had vaginas made. Even if you find a woman to be with, you still might want to be penertrated or she might want to penertrate you, that is the plus to having that operation. Also If you did find a man and fall in love, you might be in a pickle. I went seventeen years with out a vagina and was eager to have one made. But it is o.k to hold it off. It can be a big commitment once you have it made to keep it open. Or you might get lucky and find a partner who likes your body as is. The point is it is your choice. If your feeling not ready, don't do it. If you ever do want the operation you will know it. You won't have any convitions about it. Remember it is not up to any body else to do what feels right for you but you. I will say that,because I had the operation I can choose to not tell anybody about me being intersexed even if I choose to have sex with them. If you don't have the operation, then you will always have to tell a partner that your body is diffrent. It wouldn't be fair to them or you if they just found out by suprize that your intersexed. I guess it is up to you how funtional you want your gentails to be. If you have a lower sex drive then the surgery might not matter at all. If you have a really strong sex drive, and only you know your drive, then sex might in the long run be better if you can funtion like a regular woman. It is a brave choice you have to make eather way. And the people here at Bodys will support you no matter if you want it , don't want it, or are not sure. The more you talk about it though, the better educated you will be about the choice of surgery.

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You really have to love yourself, to get anything done in this world!

Julanne