Sellout

I often feel like a sellout because I made a deliberate choice of playing up my feminine characteristics. Yet, I still don't identify with other women. Just don't relate to the tribe. Even though I only carry their chromosomes and organs.

Though, it really doesn't matter because soon as the men I have relationships with see, feel the results of the gash and scars.... oh....I mean genital surgeries. I suddenly become just a good drinking buddy and nothing more. These are not shallow people but they lose desire when they realize I have sensation at all and that the body part of their interest is nothing but a surgically altered hole and the other part is actually missing. Geeez ....you don't have much down there .......hummmmmm.


I've been going out with the same guy on and of for abut a year. Like the rest of the men that I've dated, the birth defect of CAH and the virilization behind it didn't bother him. But what made him feel weird/guilty was the results of the surgery. Look of disapointment on his face was to much for me. We finally called an end to it last night. Like the others, we still remain friends.

I have an oportunity in a month or so to meet the surgeon that performed the surgery on me, I have weird feelings about that one. He already said," how saddened" that he was. At least he took respondsibility for that part. That does mean something. He's just a puppet of this society. This society is appalled by what I was born with ...GIRLS CAN'T HAVE THAT ...even if it didn't bother me. I wasn't afforded any human rights. I'm thought to be strange that I didn't have any trouble with what I was born with. I had a gyno tell me that girls like you would of been rasied as boys. I was in a bad postion to argue with him but I thought to myself why not let a child like us just be what we are? So what ...I wasn't born with genitals that fit the description of what a female or male genitals are supposed to be .....bid deal.....just let me, be me. And later, I'll pick the type of surgery I want.

Betsy, I think you will stop some people from having clitoral surgery on some babies with enlarged clitorises but someone born like me is at the losing end of societal norms. The doctors will use their scalpels to put us inside the box.

Victoria, yes I'm the same Aimee on the other message boards. I just like the name Kelly, I'm also partial to the name Erin. Heck...my name might not even be Aimee (lol) but everything I've written is me. I can't register here but you can Email me at you said once that you wanted to send me a message.

I can feel that I'm cracking up and nothing really matters. I got a raise and bought a new car to console myself that once again in the last twelve years a realtionship has been destroyed because of surgeries that were done in my best interest. Tough cookies for me.

Sincerely,

Intersexed Princess AKA Good Freak 1