I'm tired of getting hurt

[Peter]

Hi Kailana,

As I was born very premature with a club foot and severe hip hyperplasia, as well as ambiguous genitals, my parents could not afford the medical expenses of my care, and got help from the March of Dimes. I have never once felt guilty for being alive or for the expenses of my infant care.

The ethics of your professor are highly questionable. I think that it might be fair to question medical priorities, when an infant’s treatment might cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, when so many children lack even basic medical care. But to blame the children who get the best possible medical care for our survival because of our genetics or medical condition seems to me to be highly unethical.

If the behavior of your professor is emotionally harming you, and preventing you from completing your studies in a timely fashion, I would suggest filing a complaint with the school administration over the professor’s remarks. I don't think that you would have to reveal the specifics of your medical condition to let them know now the remarks of your professor have devastated you.

Peter

[peaceandparty]

Originally Posted by Kailana

I was wondering if anyone else is super sensitive to hearing others discuss things?

like:
1. The advances in medicine allowing people who should of died live. Thus continue to weaken the human race as a species?
the arguement that genetic"defects" in humans is a result of the human species being weakened is very debateable....and it remains to be seen whether the evolution or the pollution of the worlds newest sexes is a natural healthy way of getting rid of the typical macho xy male type(who is generally sexist, weak in heart but strong in body) and allowing humans to evolve into whatever GOD or creation intended OR whether its a big mess created by many of the worlds leading scientists who themselves messed with genes and genetic modifying behaviour first with dolly the sheep and subsequently regardless of how or why...now us humans either are or feel like we are cross bred in some way or another!
and to suggest that anyone....anyone at all should feel guilty for needing drugs or care that costs the taxpayer more money and ultimately it is a waste of time and money to be dealing with us types of people---anyone to suggest that should be examined immediately for their own little hidden faults and when we find their ailment we shall pronounce execution to them aswell as us,no human being is without "fault"
every human deserves free health care...without it...we create spirals of diseases and genetic mutations(scientific pollution)

2. Listening to opinions that while not neccesarily having anything to do with them(me),or not really meant to be insults directed at them? Just things that are brought out in open discussions?

I am asking cause i recently went through a very bad weeK+ of depression all from comments spoken in a classroom discussion on good and bad aspects of technology that we live with today, that are grandparents didn't have.

Essentially i had a professor mention that there are many people living today that would of died at birth or shortly there after that are now strains on society. 1. there medical needs require vast amounts of money to keep them alive, depleting resources. 2. Because they are alive, there genetic mutations are being passed down too future generations. 3. Because medical technology has advanced enough to give these people a fairly normal life, there genetic defaults are weekening the human gene pool.

this point is utterly as ignorant as i would expect from most medical practitioners.......they seem to believe that its there duty to put "mutants" right......i truly believe there has been an ongoing change in humans for quite some time...only true god lovers are the ones that will forever disagree(tho not all god worshippers are the same i recognise that)...i think the evolution of humans is so obvious ,its just that doctors have done so much chopping and sewing and covering up of the truth that we still think we are a minority......i doubt it!i really doubt it

I really hope this doesnt hurt anyones feelings, I didn't mean for anything in this post to offend. I am just trying to find out if anyone else,like me, is really hurt when topics like this get mentioned.

if you think that you maybe hurt peoples feelings...then what am i suposed to think???!!

but i have to say that if us the intersexed interested international party cannot talk about sensitive issues amongst eachother then we are a long way from a welcome home sign on the door for intersexed communities to be accepted finally into an existant extra categorisation......
i speak from the heart and as i said to xxytalk i cannot do what many do...i need tow rite from the heart...i mean well....as you should know!

I sat there in class my hand half raised, wanting to comment but afraid to do so. stairing at my professor, dropping my head to a blank note pad(was taking notes), occasionally looking up, only to hang my head again. Afraid, to talk, afraid to offer a rebutal(fear that i'd break out in sobs if i spoke), wiping tears away from my eyes. Only to walk out at the end of class feeling like a piece of garbage. its been nearly 2 weeks now, i havent gone back. I havent officially withdrawn from the summer quarter either. Right now im just barely getting over the depression that classroom discussion left me in.

I guess, what i am asking is. How does anyone else get over things like this?
How do you not let things like this from getting to you? I feel as though i have no armor to hide behind anymore. Me self confidence shatters easily, does anyone else feel that way?

hi!hi ...its easy to let your defence drop sometimes and then feel shattered......its hard to let defences drop and trust that nothing can affect us really that much anymore.........words will say nothing if there is no feeling behind it
if you are talking about the fact that whilst listening to this professor talk abozut people like you and me wasting finances....well of course then that would bring anyone down---the knowledge that some professor is getting paid or attention for talking such pure bull......wow...the gaul of some "professionals"....lol...

I'd really appreciate some advice, i'm tired of feeling like a nobody.

peaceandparty in redand blue

[Melisma]

Not having been there myself, I can't say for sure, but this sounds like the kind of thing my teachers used to use as a rhetorical question - one to stimulate discussion. It's possible that he doesn't even really thank that and was just trying to be provocative.

And even if he does really think that, you can rest assured that most people don't. The mere suggestion that a person ought not to take advantage of every life-extending procedure medical science has to offer isn't something you run across on every street corner!

Being sensitive is painful, but it has its up side - I know that I have benefitted from your sensitivity, and I think everyone else here has, too.

[Kailana]

Sometimes i really dont know what to say. But thank you all a great deal. I have been going through alot of ups and downs lately.

I did want to say, that i am not sure what my professor was doing. He never gave anyone the opportunity to actually talk. That was the thing about having my arm half raised. He just kept talking and talking and repeat what he thought was what some people were saying about genetics and mutations. I really didnt have any sense of anger at the time, just depression, really bad depressive episode. I didnt really want to confront him. Which is an odd thing to say/come from me. I am usually very eager to talk about my points of view.

Anyways thanks again, all of your posts/responses are helping.

[peaceandparty]

hi kailana

why is it that you are going up and down?

what are the sorts of thoughts you have and notice that you are down when you are thinking them?

and what brings you up,in your opinion!?

and are you a real complainer in life or are you more of a moaner
??
a complainer sees something not right and recognises it gets pissed off and calms down again and sorts it out by complaining in agood way!

a moaner sees something goes bezerk or gives up totally and does nothing about things!

this is off the top of my head
my finger tips know before i do what is being written here

i just want to try and aid you with getting rid of an un-needed trait of yours
-its on your signature that you are always complaining (i cant remember exactly)-sorry

you seem like a lovely person...just someone who maybe---just maybe has no real method of dealing with thoughts of a destructive nature

i am on the ball?
or completely way off?

please tell me....because i dont want to be annoying you...but i truly want to discuss your issues!

[Kailana]

wow thats a tough one to answer.

i guess im kind of both. I mean the part about my signature THE SCREAMING BANSHEE, (this is my alter ego, my secret SuperHero Identity)I use to be very confrontational, if i didnt agree with something i spoke out about it. Or i stood up for other people less able to do so. Many times i was told i should become a lawyer. Not to knock lawyers any, but i really thought i would hate that profession.

I guess, It all depends on my mood at the time. Maybe more of a moaner these days. I dont have any of my old self confidence, or at least alot of my self confidence is gone. Its kind of like the old me, has been stripped down, too many times, i dont really think there is alot of me left. I feel like i am all emotions, but the only ones i have access too are the caring ones, which in a way is good, but at the same time is bad. Like i am still compassionate and caring, but i am overly so. And yes i know HRT has some part in all this, but thats not everything, its almost as if there is fear(an overwhelming fear of saying the wrong things or doing the wrong thing) that would give a bad impression of me. I dont really know how better to explain it. I would say i am kinda tired of looking/searching/asking for answers, cause so far trying has really fallen on alot of deaf ears and only made me feel even worse about myself.
example: My psychiatrist is at the conclusion that i am in need of a geneticist, but both my dr's, gp and endo, don't think it will be helpful. In there words "so far none of the scans and tests that have been done have shown any sign of there being anything out of the ordinary"

And for me, It's like will you please just look, stop reading what the radiologists say and look at the bloody pictures that you all made for me, and look at the normal ranges for my lab work, Cause thats really alot of the problem. They just ignore everything and just rely on the radiologysts report. i dont really want to knock my gp and endo, cause they are the first too actually treat me half way descently. But at the same time, even with my so called normal lab work, there are some issues that arent being addressed. They both pretty much treat me ok, just arent really answering any of my questions.

[peaceandparty]

a friendly doctor is on the one hand good and bad on the other

because if he/she/it is a friendly doctor doesnt mean that he/she/it is a good doctor

and if they are so friendly ,then its hard to be hard with your doctor and demand real analyses which normally is not thoroughly done in this day and age with all types of traditional and alternative medicines

this is my first of about 5 comments i would like to make...but i am on brain overload at the moment

but i do remember that i wanted to say to you kailana that your words are really hitting home for me......i am on the intersex scene myself many years...but more in the real life...not online and not part of groups...ia m every part of an individual that you can imagine

so basically to you kailana i lift my hat off to you!
merci beaucoup