invasion of the intersexed?

[Priestess]

I noticed today on the forums of cares' cah.org that the admin was accusing the intersex community of wrongly listing cah as an intersex condition in order to artificially inflate the intersexed population.

I've found that you can't argue with opinionated admins on their own forums.
But is this the way that most of the cah folks consider the situation?

I've seen posts here by mother(s?) who were seriously considering raising their cah-afflicted praderized girl as a boy, because it would be cheaper to not bother with surgery and then they wouldn't have to supress any androgens, at least in their minds. But how many parents would make their decision quietly and in private?

I wonder how many of the sons who are talked about on cares really are?

[Onnineko]

Actually I just dropped by .. because Maria responded to one of my posts a long time ago.. and I admit I haven't really had time to read much about CAH.. and I was curious. So it seemed so .. appropriate to sneak in here under this postings title .. and say Hi

It would appear that individuals CAH have many of the same concerns, if more opportunity for abuse. I'm curious what the simularities are relating to the endocrine system. Anyway..

Onnineko

[Kailana]

I had a similar experience years ago with a father. I had asked a simple question about anyone else on there being diagnosed intersexed with CAH and Mosaic. Whether any one else was like me, and left a email for people to contact me as i would love to hear from someone who had more then one condition. One of the fathers sent me an email pretty much shouting at me that his little girl was a normal girl and wasnt intersexed. My letter back pretty much asked why he was yelling at me. I left a few other posts too on the boared but stopped going. I guess some people get really offended about what labels, people use. As far as i know CAH is a adrenal condition that causes girls to masculinize as boys thus making them female psuedohermaphrodites, therefore intersexed. i suppose the board administrater simply doesnt want her/his child to know that, or he/she is the one with CAH and also is not willing to accept that as well.
I believe understanding and acceptance is or should be what everyones eventual goal should come down to.. Now as to how that perception goes, ie... If you think your male your male, if you think your female your female, or my preferred simplified version of acceptance, screw what everyone else thinks i am me and i will damn well live my life how i bloody the hell want to, screw what Doctors have done to me, ill fix that, my parents well in my opinion there pretty much worthless, there not much help anyways, i have friends who accept me for me, thats what matters. All the betrayals and lies i dont have to accept those anymore, i know what matters most, Loyalty, Trust, Honesty. i dont need anything else as long as i have trust.

Just a thought

[Priestess]

That father sounds as uptight and defensive about their kid's gender as my parents were about mine. Even though I was clueless that such a thing as "Gender" existed, they often frowned on my even being normal for the times. While at the same time my siblings having no such restrictions.

For example, when I was growing up, longer hair was the "in" thing, even for guys. And my brother was allowed to be normal for the times. But I got beaten senseless by my father for having hair that was still shorter than my brother's, he claimed it made me look effeminate. And when I got gifts of hip & mod clothes from relatives, I wasn't allowed to keep them, he claimed they were dubious. And in the 80's, when earrings were totally kewl for everyone regardless of sex, he singled me out for terrible treatment ...

I never even got told the truth about me, but my parents overcompensated really bad. Luckly for me, I never bought into their standards, because I could see how illogical it all was. And maybe I'll forget how bad they made me feel, someday.

[Kailana]

Ok now i have probably forgotten as i am sure you have told me before how old you are. But i remember the 80's quite well and i suppose was a bit luckier then you. My parents didnt treat me bad then, unless you call being ignored being treated bad, i mean i sure didn't like feeling as though i was worthless in there eyes. Iguess that is just my perception though, My mother was a biut rough until my early teens, when i was old enough to take the belt away from her, well then she left me alone. Not to say that she was abusive, standards back then was alot more open about what abuse is. I actually was spared alot in comparison to some of what my friends had to go through. In all aspects it wasnt too bad, just that my mother tended to have a few episodes that well were a little over the top at times. I tended to get a lot of double standards from my parents. Like my mother would tell me id look good with earrings, then the following week when i asked if it would be ok, she'd chew me out. Telling me that only sissy boys wore them. A month later she'd mention again. Most of my teenage years were like that, Sometimes questions about dresses and skirts, or shoes, once even a pink two-piece skirted swimming suit. I wondered about my mothers motives alot, it wasnt so easy at times, i often felt that she was testing me. Kinda failed though, as i ahave always had those girly thoughts in me. She usually ended up in tears when i would say yes mom id love to try that on.

I actually waited until i was 22 years old before i finally decided to get them pierced, i guess its a way i kinda found some release from constantly questioning what i am. I got alot of crap then, mostly teasing i guess by my parents and some relatives but none of em could do anything then. I have worn earrings for quite a while now. These days the earrings dont bother them, its more the skirts and dresses, well maybe the type of earrings i tend to wear bother them a little. I imagine the hormones are the big concern for them. But then i dont really spend any time with them anymore. One of the reasons why i havent been by in the last month is that i dont enjoy holidays anymore. I kinda wasnt really in a mood to talk to people last month. Holidays are over, my spirits are returning so i should be by a bit more.

This last Holidays, startig with Thanksgiving My father invited me over but made the mistake of telling me "do not to mention your a woman." I told him thank you for inviting me but untill you can understand and accept me i wont be over. He was crying as he left my house. He called again for Christma, same result. I know it is not easy for him, or for my mother, But i am sort of done with all there crap. They either accept me or they dont, i am not taking any more inbetweens or hiding anymore. i am open, when people ask i tell them, unfortunately for me i am extremely stalky, muscular and well hairy, do i care, sometimes, but not really, I am in my 2nd quarter backin school now, an a great many people know i am intersexed, transitioning most seem to be ok with it. Im not harrassed, or openly ridiculed. I might get a chuckle now and then, But thats about all. I have spoken in last quarters human sexuality class and asked to do again this quarter. I rather enjoyed doing so. I see it as a great opportunity to talk about what someone who is I.S. actually thinks about what parents and Doctors have done to them. I get people to think about what it is like be someone who has questionied who they are and is rebuilding what people see.

i know you have had a rather bad year with Doctors Priestess im sorry for that. you like me, think Neko too has had a rough time with Doctors, Some of the newer members post seem to be heading that way too, i am glad to see you have been posting alot. its good to see a common face after my short little hiyatas. I probably spelled that wrong. i do hope things get better, My life seems to be on a good solid footing now. Not perfect by a longshot, but i see a bright shiny light ahead. Lots of answers still missing from my perfect world scenario, but i think i can manage with how well things have been going.
Take care princess, im around from time to time, we share alot in common please remember that, your never alone unless you want to be.

[sparklingdreams]

And the is why I support the D.S.D. treatment model and why I say that I am not Intersexed. I'm sorry Kailana but just because my Endocrine system is messed up and has been since long before birth it does make me intersexed, i'm simply not. And so not only do I understand & share that fathers opinion. I applaud him for being so loving, accepting, & open minded toward his own daughter, she may have a chance at happiness after all. But sadly you both seem very close minded in this post, as have so many in the IS community because of your sudden awareness that not everyone with any of the DSD is IS. Indeed statistically most of us are not IS. As much as IS people need & cry for acceptance I'm constantly surprised how lil understanding & acceptance you all have for girl(in the case of CAH) who, like me, are born with one of the DSD and though we are often incorrectly mutilated we aren't intersexed. Maybe someday this community can accept us as the woman(in the case of CAH) that we are. We get judge & hated like almost everywhere else it just like way sad that we have to be judged here(& in the IS community at large). At least now I have an idea of sites where I am now find support. You are both quite sad.