Self knowledge

[Misae]

How do I tell my sister something about herself that she does not want to know when she already reacts badly to what she senses enough that we worry for her? Not knowing if she would be helped or destroyed, is it wrong to try?

[Wyn]

to enlist the help of a trained psychologist/psychaitrist (sp)??? These are the people who should be approached if indeed she has the rather serious problems you speak of. I know it can be rather expensive, but, is not this expense worth the life of your sister? Your family? You?

For myself - Just Today - I inquired with my therapist about finding someone who is well trained in dealing with Post Traumatic Stess Disorder (PTSD).

Just Yesterday, I had a very, Very serious breakdown... while attending a Very Large professional symposium for the industry I'm employed in... my company had a booth there, and a bunch of us took a company charterd bus into the city to check out this event.

I almost 'lost it' right in the middle of this event. Had to Very Quickly leave... literally Ran to the train station, and got the first train back home. As soon as I sat down, I curled up in a ball, and ended up hyperventilating, just to keep myself from bawling/breaking down - for about 10 minutes. Was able to sorta calm myself enough to at least sit up. But, I was still 'not completely right" this morning.

I have been reluctant to seeking this help - I do NOT like to deal with doctors, after what was done to me. But, I'm afraid that it's come to the point I HAVE to do something. While I will Not agree to any psychotropic drugs, I do have to at least make an effort to seek out the professional help I so obviously need in dealing with the brutal machinations of the so-called 'caregivers' that 'took care of me'.

Thats about all I can put forth at the moment. I've got far too much on my plate to deal with, but as I've offered before... my heart goes out to both you, and your sister.

Peace

[Misae]

She has psychology to advise her. It is they who council silence even though she already senses enough to cause this crisis. She has listened to their advice all along, which has brought the crisis because they encouraged her to define herself by her obediance to the opinions of others. I am far away all I can do is talk, or not.

[miriam]

Originally Posted by Misae

How do I tell my sister something about herself that she does not want to know when she already reacts badly to what she senses enough that we worry for her? Not knowing if she would be helped or destroyed, is it wrong to try?

If it is something she doesn't want to know, you should ask yourself why you want to tell it. If you have an answer to that question, it will be easier for people here to help you.

You've posted your question in the AIS forum. Does that mean that you want to tell your sister that she has AIS or that she is a carrier?

Groeten, Miriam

[Misae]

Miriam sama,
That is a question that I have been asking of myself. My sister has not said that she does not want to hear this, but in knowing her I see that she will not welcome anything that sets her life apart from others. If she was happy now in her life, it would be easy for me to decide that the truth may wait for it's right time. But parts of the truth come to her without telling and she is not happy at all. Is silence the right choice if she will find out anyways and perhaps continue her attempts to kill herself? But then if I tell her this might help or else make matters worse. I do not know with confidence which path she would travel. More than what carries.

[miriam]

Misae,

Under all my posts you can read "The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth". When I was young doctors and even my parents knew more about me than I did. Everybody tried to hide the truth for me. That has hurt me more than having AIS. My parents and even mu doctors believed that not telling me was the best solution. In hindsight the were wrong. I don't blame them for that because in hindsight it is easy to see what went wrong.

In my opinion "The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth" means that anyone has the right to find out the truth about themselves. It doesn't mean that I have to tell everybody that I have AIS. It doesn't mean that everyone has the right to tell me what the think is right for me. It just means that if I want to know something about myself, I have the right to look for answers and to find those answers.

Being open about AIS to others is a right, not an obligation.

I don't know how you can translate my experiences to your situation. I even don't know if it is possible to do that. Every situation is different and you'll have to take your own decisions.

I hope this helps a bit.

Groeten, Miriam

[Kailana]

Misae, be very careful, from a perspective of someone who regardless of the cause for there IS condition, who's family chose to keep it all secret, I grew into a person who has no trust with family. I dont trust doctors either. I have felt betrayed, deceived, like i've been stabbed repeatedly in the back over and over. Your sister needs to know.

Be Extremely carefull about how you tell her, why you are telling her, and talk to your family first.

From history the advice from Dr's to keep it secret is a long passed down load of crap. It is one of the main reasons we feel so out of it.

a question: How are we to feel accepted if everyone who is supposed to love and care for us, lies to us? How are we suppose to grow and develope, find our way in the world, with all of the people who are suppose to care for us, keep a secret like this from us, when it is us who needs to know most. It isnt easy hearing parents, relatives talk about you, or catach small bits and pieces of information that are all incomplete, or when you(I) ask for answers that are desperately needed, have them all denied to you(me).

knowledge, sharing, caring and what not, it is what we need to know, the information being withheld is extremely critical to finding who we are, and in this case what we are is critically important in finding out who we are.

as for adive from Dr.s its terribly outdated. Old standards used since IS conditions first started be recognized, and surgically dealt with by Dr.s. Its things passed down from the 50-60's. And in my opinion just made and is making my life hell.

If you care for her, let her know you love her, if she needs help then help her, and in some cases him. Because all the stupid medical so called advice, because he has this hes a she, or because she has this cond, and would be best as a he, is complete nonesense. Only your sister knows what is best for her/him. And is she doesnt understand what she is/has, her life is only going to be that much harder. She needs to know. She needs supportive family and friends around her when she finds out. If she is having problems all ready, and you apparently are aware of this allready, then it is time for her to know.

just make sure your there, cause this information isnt going to be taken lightly. Watch her, spend time with her, be supportive if she decides that "her" isnt right, and decides to change pronouns or whatever, be there for your sister. Tell your parents the same thing, she will need support, counselling, people to talk too.

And you can always send her this way as well, to people who are much like her, people who understand what its like, being different.

please take care, and watch out for your sister.
sharing your knowledge will hurt, hurt hard, but she needs to know.

[Wyn]

with Kailana on this.... Your sister NEEDS TO KNOW THAT YOU, AND YOUR FAMILY LOVE HER -First and Foremost. I cannot state this in any stronger language. This is the most Basic aspect of ANY medical condition or situation, IS or Not.

I've made this point long before. We, as the feeling, understanding beings we are, NEED this most Basic affirmation, before we can make Any progress in finding peace in our own lives.

Yes.. professionals can assist us in putting our fears and the practical aspects of our lives 'together' and give us the perspective we need... but, they can only do so much. Everyone needs the personal support that only a family or S.O. can provide. We were Never meant to live/be alone, and it's almost impossible to overcome the tremendous dibilitations inherent in any serious physical or emotional / psychological problem without this direct and intimate support.

I know you stated that your sister lives 'far away'. I will suggest that, if you can... or if someone in your family can, try to make a point to visit her on a somewhat regular basis... firstly to open the dialogue that is so desparately needed, and then, to make a serious point of following up with Regular phone calls/ IM'ing... whatever it takes to keep those lines of communication open, and flowing.

Kailana's offer of at least letting her know of this site was an extremely good suggestion, and one I second. Just to KNOW that one is Not Alone in this life can be extremely affiming and beneficial. I know that I, myself, learned SO MUCH, and found much support, regardless of some serious 'backsliding' recently.

Anyway... Just had to Affirm Kailana's excellent observations and suggestions.

Peace